So life has been rough....for me at least. It kinda started when I was with a girl that I still care about to this day. I wont mention names but she was amazing and still is. We had the idea of just telling our parents that we were just friends so i could go to her house to stay the night. That was honestly probably the best night of my life because i spent it with someone i called mine. The next day, my mom went through my phone. She saw ALL the texts I had sent to my girlfriend and kept calling me names like "Gay","Clit-licker" ect. This hurt me. Not the names, but that it was my own mother that called me these names. I broke up with the girl because my mom said if we stayed together, I would never hang out with her again. It hurt telling my mom she was just my friend in the first place, but I only did it because I knew she would never even let me even hang out with her if she knew she was my girlfriend. I did it so i would be happy for once and I was. Until I came home. So from then on, my mom has questioned everything! She kept asking if i liked a girl, or if i was depressed or just accused me of lying 24/7!! I got tired of it, so i told her that it was all just a phase just so i could get some space. Did she believe me? Nope! She still to this day calls me gay or tells me I think im gay. I feel like the only people that respect me is my friends, my one friends mom, and my aunt. Not even my own mother. She says she does but every time I post something about a girl she starts asking me a bunch of questions!! "Do you have a girlfriend!?!?" (Keep in mind guys she isnt asking politley) "Who are you posting about!?" "This isnt (Other girls name i wont expose) your talking about right!?" Im tired of it! Well today, im at my cousins house and my aunt sat next to me. "You know your scaring your mom." She said. "How?" I replied. "With this whole Transgender thing." One thing I didnt mention is that I got my hair cut like above my neck. So you could say a boy hair cut. In the picture, it was a girl with a cute short hair style! And i really wanted it. But my mom said I only wanted it because i thought i was gay. Well she let me get the haircut, and the stylist did it wrong. So i kind of look like a boy. "Im not trans.." i said a bit agrvaited, (sorry for my horrible spelling.) "I know your not. Just know that you are my niece and I will always love and except you for who you are. Even if your mom or dad or the rest of the family doesnt." She said very serious. "I know its just hard when your moms friends are texting you mad at you because of it." I said trying not to cry. "Who is texting you?" "(Someone i will not mention)" "Oh god! Screw her! Sorry but i never liked her. So what she text you about?" She asked mad. "Oh just how im mocking the bible and gods word and how im scaring my mother. Stuff i have already heard." I said trying to get rid of any memory of it. "Like i said screw her!" I love coming to my cousins house, I feel like I can really be myself. My friends mom is also amazing. She knows about my depression, and that im bi,stuff like that. She excepts me and didnt disown me. She is like my second mom. But I have to go home tomorrow. I really dont want to. I yelled at my mom and she didnt reply. Even though she calls me terrible names, and is part of the reason of my depression, I still love and care about her. But I really dont want her to pick me up tomorrow and have one of those awkward talks with her in the car. Where she says things like "Why dont you talk to me? You always told me you would tell me everything when you were little!" Ect ect. I just dont want to be put through it anymore. Well, its 3:07 and i cant sleep. Not to mention I have this aching pain in my chest. Probably because I know the love of my life isnt going to text me back ever! On this website, there is this person, that I met and they are just SOO amazing. How could i not fall for them? They know everything about me. But they are quitting the website. Im going to miss them like crazy. We have a song. Our song is Photograph by Ed Shereen. Every time i hear it i cry, but it also calms me because it reminds me that they also love me. Well I think im going to end this entry. Goodbye for now my loves!!
~Halle
