Emotionen

Crying

English bc i feel like it
Sry if its bad

There are things that can't be fixed.
Like the sparkle in my eyes that i search for daily, but even after a year i cant seem to find it. I look so ugly without it.
Or the constant lies. 'Dw im fine' 'I'm doing great in recovery!' 'Yeah I'll talk to someone'
How do I tell them?
That I in fact do not have someone to talk to anymore.
I used to. But now I'm crying alone at 5am because i realized that things changed.
People change.
I change.
I always had trouble trusting others, now i realize that I was right, because after they all promised that they'd be there hundreds of times I'm crying alone at 5am because I realized that these promises don't last forever.
Even though they said so.
I'm not meant for forever.
You vent to me, I comfort you, and eventually you'll get bored and move on and I'm crying alone at 5am because I meant forever and you didn't.
Because I'll never be good enough for someone to actually mean forever like i do.
Because I don't want to keep going, don't want to talk to anyone but I have to be there when you need to vent so you don't feel like I do.
Because you matter more than I do.