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Another nightmare awoke him.
Just another hateful message he has heard before, but now his mind plays back each comment to form a new way to isolate him from the reality of the world. A message that he was alone, that he has nothing, that he has no one. Scenes play like a broken record, recalling the loss of loved ones, and the loss of his innocence. Soon the nightmare wasn't a figment of his imagination but memories, the cold hard truth of his horrible past he longed to forget, but for some reason he clung to the memories as if they would bring back something important. It never did. He could feel the prickling sensation of tears as a flash of his mother's face when she found out, both disgust and hatred mixed into his father's eyes, they couldn't bare to look at the child they made.
He guessed it was easy for them, it was easier to believe their son was a monster than to look at the evidence of the case. No matter how much he begged, how hard he tried to get them to listen to him and just to hear his story, they shut him out and abandoned the sweet boy they once cherished. It made him wonder, how much did they care if it was that easy to leave? To not even listen to him, was it easier to believe such a lie?
His shoulders shook as he quietly sobbed to himself, his tears slipped down his face staining the pillow he rested on and he could only think of the hatred and disgust he buried on himself.
"Men can't be raped."
"Males can't be sexually assaulted because they would find it pleasurable."
Are you delusional?
The woman his mother considered a good friend had taken advantage of him, robbed him of his childhood and a loving family, and all anyone can say is 'Good Job', 'Nice' or 'Congratulations'. Not a single adult thought to themselves; Hey, this a little fucked up.
He crawled through every hardship on his own, no parents, no family, no friends, just himself. There were times he struggled to stay afloat; he knows that. He had countless encounters with moments he had wished to be gone, to leave and be far away from the earth, there was one time he was faced with the perfect opportunity to do it. That day it was cold maybe it was winter.
The chill of the air kept him frozen in place, as his legs dangle off the bridge he sat on, he knew in one swift movement, he would be gone. All it took was one push, he could hear it whispering to him, telling him that it's all he need was one push. It was the silent call. The call that felt like a sweet siren luring him to his end, but instead he wept and screamed at the dark watery abyss below. His hands clasp tightly to the bar, he didn't feel scared of death but there was something stopping him, so he just continued to scream and sob at the waves; he wasn't alone anymore.
He couldn't leave the small ball of light the world had gifted him.
Behind him is his reason, his reason to push through. The owner to the small foot that pressed against his lower back is his world, he wiped his face from stray tears and sniffles before he rolled over. Despite the darkness, he could see the small outline of the beautiful little girl that brought him away from the grasps of death. In the worst moments of his life, she unknowingly pulled him back into the sweet life with each moment they share together. A smile slowly formed on his lips as the horrid memories vanished, being replaced with the loving moments he spends with his daughter.
"Alright little one, let's change that nappy of yours."
He let out a soft chuckle at the memory of his little girl peeing midway of the nappy change, giggling and babbling at him as he defended himself with the clean one. It was a mess to clean up, but he wouldn't change anything. He shuffled closer to the sleeping toddler and carefully pulled her into his arm, giving her enough space to breath and move around if she needed. His eyes still red from his quite breakdown, but a smile now adorned his features as happier memories lulled him back into a restful slumber.
