Never Mind | #yoonmin

36

The sunlight warms my eyelids. Flashes of the night play in my mind and a feel the corners of my mouth curl up before I even open my eyes. I would expect to feel tired from the lack of sleep and all the physical activities of the evening and night, but I feel well rested. I take a deep breath and open my eyes, expecting to see Jimin still next to me.

And there he is. He slept right here, next to me. Only two and a half moons peek out from under the blanket. Without a thought I move closer and wrap my arm around his waist. I press my lips against the first moon and settle my body against his, but before I can fully get comfortable he moves away and gets up. I watch his body slide out from under the blanket. Maybe he just needs the bathroom? Will he come back?

He picks up pieces of clothing in a trail back to the door and exits the room. I just watch him disappear and feel a little sting in my heart. I try not to think much of it and yawn while laying in the warm spot that Jimin left behind. The shower turns on. I guess he's not coming back to bed then. I listen to the water running through the pipes and imagine it hitting his body. His body I completely destroyed last night.

When he enters the bedroom again he is fully dressed, to my disappointment. Well, that's okay. He probably has things to do. I yawn some more and sit up against the headboard on 'his' side of the bed.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I ask, feeling rather excited I can finally make him breakfast.

He walks over and sits down on the edge of the bed next to me without saying a word. His eyes look heavy and there isn't one hint of a smile on his face. I didn't dare to give in to the feeling of something being off this morning, but now I have to. My heart drops. Whatever he's going to say, it can't be good. I want to turn back time. I wish I held him back from getting out of bed. I'd give anything to let that moment last a bit longer. I'd give anything to not have to go through this conversation now.

"Yoongi..."

Here we go.

"I think... I think we need to stop this." He says and looks down at his hands, which are fiddling on his lap.

"W-why?"

"Well, didn't you say these flings usually only last a month or two anyway? It's been three months, maybe it's just time." He says calmly, as if he's been putting these words together carefully in his mind beforehand. Did he just think of this in the shower? Or has he been thinking about this for longer? Did he let me fuck him three times last night as a goodbye? Were the sweet words he whispered after his last orgasm a lie?

The cold air suddenly hits my lungs. My body seems to be failing to warm up my breath. I just exhale dead air while trying to find some sort of response to his cold words. Is he really just using time as an excuse?

"J-Jimin-ie..."

"Hyung, please don't make this any more difficult. Let's stop it now so we can still remain friends." He finally looks up and meets my eyes, causing my heart to sting even more. I try to swallow, but my throat is dry like a desert.

"I don't understand... Why now?"

"Does it matter? This was never meant to last this long." He gets up from the bed. I want to reach and grab his arm, I want to stop him, hold him, tell him that what he's saying is all bullshit, but my hands lay motionless on the blanket. My eyes follow him as he walks out of the bedroom. Is this really happening? I remain unable to move, until I hear the front door open.

I jump our of bed and run to the door. My feet carry me effortlessly in a blur.

"Jimin!" I shout as I watch the door close. I sprint and grab the handle before realising I'm completely naked. He's right on the other side of the door, but I can't do anything. Nothing but a solid surface separating me from him. He left. Just like that.

My fingertips touch the cold surface of the door. I want to push my hand straight through. I want all my atoms to find a path like there is no such thing as solidity at all and reach out to him. Isn't reality just an illusion anyway? Shouldn't I be able to fall through this surface effortlessly, like in a dream? If I can feel surfaces in a dream but also be able to pass through them like it's nothing, shouldn't I be able to do that now as well?

Can't I go back to sleep and pretend none of this happened?