LIQUID BALANCE

to be continued...

I felt numb. The will to die was still very strong. But the sweetness of a moment with her, made me procrastinate the terrible desire.

I could have died after the bath.

I looked at her. My eyes perhaps seemed less cloudy to her because she stiffened.

I imagined for a split second her nipples protected by her bra.

"You can wash me."

His beautiful mouth stretched into a radiant smile, his eyes, too, suddenly came to life.

He leaned in again, leaning in to kiss me.

I let him do it, I was besides motionless.

She laid her beautiful lips on mine in a kiss as soft as whipped cream on cold ice cream.

I opened my mouth, I wanted her tongue, the desire didn't reach my sex, but my mind was all a memory of her.

I caressed her in turn, she was silky, like the fabrics of established designers, her hips curvy, her breasts full. I unfastened her bra, slowly removing it. I felt like a blind man who'd been given the opportunity to see in one shot, and this was the shot. With her.

A little light bulb warned me, pulsing, how wrong it was to live for her. Clinging to a leaf in a stormy sea.

How could I control her, she could have met any other man, now better than me. She deserved it. I would have gone insane.

I heard her sigh as I slipped her bra off, as if she had been waiting for her man for some time. Could it be?

I stared at her bare breasts, I felt a lot of excitement, my heart was beating overpoweringly, but all my ardor stopped at my bust, as if interrupted.

"Maybe I could still enjoy, with my mind, my imagination."

"Take off my panties love." She reached out to be undressed.

I meekly slipped them off. Seeking her sex immediately. She was moist, warm, willing.

I tried to get up on my elbows. She helped me by placing another pillow behind my torso.

She leaned over me. Her breasts were so beautiful and firm, her nipples so stiff like toy soldiers at roll call.

"You are so beautiful."

"I desire you very much."

"Yes you would be ready."

She took my hand and directed it to her sex.

She was already enjoying it. I felt her move on top of me, I grabbed one of her nipples with my teeth. A wicked urge made me bite it. She screamed surprised. Then she enjoyed hard and soaked my hand.

I wouldn't have admitted it but I was happy as a loon in the loony bin. Maybe by insisting, I would have enjoyed it too.

I let myself fall back on the pillows exhausted.

"Are you okay?" the anxious note saddened me. I must have been in really bad shape for him to care so much.

"Yes, thank you. I also feel raped now, but I'm better."

She remained silent with her astonished face staring at me, then she understood that I was being ironic and hugged me tightly, as one would hug a newfound brotherly friend.

"You're a fool...!"

She lay down again naked beside me.

The breasts hung on my side, hopeful.

"We need to find a well-placed nurse to pick you up and help me move you." He fantasized, planned his future with the invalid, and looked at me flatteringly for my consent.

She wanted to decorate my cell, those like her who had come from the street, lived by these feelings. What was important for them was to go on, waiting for good fortune, for the turning point, for the Holy Grail. The Holy Grail for Elisabeth was me, in love, ready to make her rich, loved, to marry her.

Now I was little more than a weight, to be moved, a sack as floppy as the leg muscles that had already decreased in volume from inactivity.

And while they waited, these women, accustomed to the harshness of the streets, to discouragement and tribulations, decorated their dried-up Christmas trees with flashing lights bought from the Chinese for a few euros.

And they were as happy as if those same lights were diamonds to be plucked and worn.

So was Elizabeth.

A woman who came from the streets, good, brave, untamable.

I don't.

I knew that nothing would be the same. That's why I wanted to die, to keep the memory of what had been, inside me and in my loved ones.

I settled it to get rid of it.

"Yeah, we'll get a big, strong Indian. Very ugly in the face, or we'll disfigure him."

"You are my love, I want and will always want only you."

I believed it. It was a good honey candy.

"Get dressed Elizabeth, I need to rest, you can stay here with me, but dressed, if the girls came in, I would be sorry."

"All right, then I'll go find our aide, and let them know that the nurses can go as soon as they arrive, I confess I can't stand them. They have defended you like the Egyptian treasure in the Cairo Museum."

"I was an interesting mummy, at least because of the salary."

She giggled, from relief. She had been jealous.

I watched her dress, her long legs still slender, her waist slim, her belly flat. The belly that had protected my son.

"Do you forgive me?"

She looked at me interdicted.

"For what specifically?" he wore his shirt, I didn't have his attention, intentionally. He understood, but he was tacitly asking me to gloss over. Let's glide over this topic with a graceful intent, time will make the memory less intense, rarefied like air at high altitude.

She was dressed. She quickly looked at me questioningly, leaned over the bed for a fleeting kiss, and spun on her heels.

"We'll talk about it later." stayed in the air like steam clouds in the steam room.

I was alone again.

Only with a conscience.

May hell take me.

What would become of me? I didn't imagine my new life.

However, I wanted the girls to inherit.

I would contact the attorneys afterwards.

Now my eyes were closing, they were unbearably heavy.

I closed them.

I fell asleep, abandoned myself.

They wouldn't let me live, they wouldn't let me die.

to be continued...