Vent book

2• confusion?

I'm confused right now,my friends only talk to me at school and when I don't feel happy...but when I wanna talk to them and when I am happy they don't talk to me,They're making me feel worst then usual....im thinking about not eating,I haven't ate or drank anything today.my mom doesn't want me to be friends with one of the best friends I've had,V,she said i shouldn't be friends with her but V is the only person that makes me feel understood,I haven't talked to her in a while because my mom said I can't and if I did she'd take my phone away from me.My phone is the only reason I'm happy most of the time,my happiness is on here,its the only object and thing that won't judge me,or do anything since it's not a living thing. I miss when I WAS happy,but I was only truly happy before a thing happened...technically if you count family members my brother was my first kiss,I didn't want that to happen...but I couldn't move or even speak,it felt like something or someone had taken over my body,I never wanted that to happen,I hated every bit of it...now I'm the way I am,Kylie's not my real name but it's one of my favorites so I use it.Im insecure and I hate being touched,I've said that to a couple of people but one of them keep touching me,not badly just in a way that's uncomfortable, especially since they have a crush on me,they keep hugging me,hugging my arm,holding my hand, I don't like it but once again I find myself in the same situation,not being able to talk...I hate everything. There is only a couple people I love/like as friends or bffs
V,Zacy boo boo bear,pais pais,minion(her nickname),olive,delilah,Bentley,Ava,and Aleah.
But Aleah used to like me and I think she still does,paislee used to like me but doesn't anymore and told me the day I was gonna say I liked her too,Delilah is dating someone but acts like we're dating.
It's annoying,my head hurts,my stomach hurts,everything hurts all the time.im a jealous person when it comes to friends,best friends,and lovers,when their hanging out with someone I can't help but be mad or sad that it's not me their hanging out with,sometimes they get away from me to hang out with others. One time someone said I was their favorite person in the world,the next day they said that to someone else right infront of my face and said "sorry,(name)" it hurt me so bad,I was so happy to know I was loved completely by them but they lied to me.

I'll write more if I even can:{