Lost Soul Down

EIGHT

Blood.

It's all over me— and it's not my blood.

I don't know what happened I panicked and I shot so many agents I don't know what came over me I can't believe I'm such a horrible person I'm a murderer murderer murderer.

I can't breathe.

What did I do? I actually killed that agent— and who knows how many more?

"Amelia!" Kylan shouts, and I doubt it's the first time he's said my name.

It's dark out, and I've collapsed on the side of the road in god-knows-where.

I've started crying and I haven't even realized it. Weeks worth of tears have built up and are all coming out now.

Kylan's on the floor next to me, his arms around me.

I finally slow down the tears enough to find my voice. "I—I'm a monster."

Kylan cups the side of my face, turning me to face him. My face is filled with blood and tears and guilt.

"You are not a monster," he says, wiping a tear with his thumb. "You hear me?"

I take deep breaths in and out. My chest hurts from crying so hard and the running didn't help.

"I killed—" I choke on the words.

"You did what you had to do," Kylan declares, his voice strong as his eyes search mine. "You saved my life, Amelia."

I sniff back tears. "I never thought I'd ever— I didn't think I was capable—" I swallow, hard. "I'm a... murderer."

"It was us or them," Kylan says. "And I..." He tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear. "...I admire you for that."

"For shooting people?"

"No— Amelia— I admire your strength," he answers quickly. "You are the strongest person I've ever met. And the most moral too. Do you even swear?"

I crack a small smile. "No."

"You're a good person, with a fucked up life," Kylan continues, his eyebrows drawn together. "This doesn't change who you are inside, okay?"

I hesitate, and then nod, hastily wiping away tears. "Okay."

He pulls me into his arms and I wrap myself up in him, never wanting to let go. I didn't realize how badly I needed a hug.

— —

More blood, this time on the floor of the shower.

I watch the red water flow down the drain nonstop. A reminder of what I did.

I stay in the shower for over an hour until I'm sure I scrubbed away all of my guilt. Kylan was worried about me.

He left the motel and let me rest— well, I told him I wanted to rest, but really, I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.

Is it really worth leaving like this? Running all the time, constantly in danger? I don't know. I just know it's better than whatever life the agents have to offer.

The agents. I'm a killer killer killer—

You did what you had to do.

I ran all the way to this motel in Colorado before I collapsed and had a break down in Kylan's arms. That's a long distance in a short amount of time.

I think I'm getting faster.

Kylan. He's the only reason I'm even partially sane right now. I never want to lose him— if I do, I lose myself. I'm too attached to him now to leave him like he wanted me to in the gas station. I won't let him sacrifice himself for me.

I can't believe he was going to give himself up to the agents just to let me run free. That's how much he cares about me. I would do the same for him.

"Amelia?"

I blink a few times and then sit up to face Kylan.

"You should eat something," he suggests. "There's a cafe next door with sandwiches and stuff. I even got us some money."

I slowly nod, not looking in his direction.

"You okay?"

I take a deep breath. "Yeah. Just hungry." I force a smile and follow him out.

The cafe is small, but popular. Kylan ordered food for the both of us, while I found a two-person table in the back.

I zone out on the table cloth's weird design.

"You were really going to sacrifice yourself for me?" I ask quietly.

Kylan sets down his water glass, swallowing hard. He pauses a moment. "I'd do anything for you, Amelia."

I part my lips, and look up to meet his eyes.

"We're a team— and we're going to stick together whether you like it or not."

I smile. "I'd like that." I look away again, blushing. "I'm sorry about my break down last night, I just—"

"Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for," Kylan insists.

I sigh. "Thank you for helping me through it."

Kylan gives me a soft smile as the waiter drops by our sandwiches.

"Last night's blood shed did cause a minor problem..." Kylan says in between bites.

I swallow. "Kylan... what are you talking about?"

"There was a TV at the casino I was at and... your picture was there." He pauses. "The description changed."

"Changed?" I raise my voice slightly. "Changed how?"

"It said that you're a criminal. A wanted criminal on the loose," he finally says. "And..."

My eyes widen in shock.

"And the reward price doubled for whoever can find you alive."

I scan the cafe for a TV, but there are none.

"But your picture wasn't next to mine or anything?" I ask.

"Nope. Just you, Amelia Hope."

I stutter my words, stunned. "S-so, what... what do we do?"

Kylan briefly scans the restaurant. "After this, we can't be seen in public anymore— or well, you can't."

"How are we supposed to eat? How are we supposed to sleep? I can't— I don't want to drag you down like this."

"Like I said before, we're a team, Amelia," Kylan insists. "No separating."

I sigh dramatically and slump in my chair. "I can't just live in the shadows forever."

I'm sick of being a lost soul.

"Well, there is one thing you could try... but you may not like it," Kylan says.

I sit up. "What? I'll do anything."

He smiles.