I think this was the first time I dreamed about him so vividly. So intimately.
It started of showing we were in an elevator going down, and then the setting moved to the inside of his car??? One thing for sure, there were sceneries passing before our eyes. I was too caught up in my mind until he stopped the train of thoughts.
"What are you thinking about?" He poked my left shoulder, "Stop overthinking too much."
He then got touchier than I've ever known him. He touched my cheeks and nose a couple of times in a teasing manner. I tried to keep myself cool and unbothered, but I think he saw through my walls easily.
Of course, I realized as soon as I met him earlier this year, in the middle of August, I was attracted to this man. How couldn't I? He was ever so composed of himself, more experienced in many ways, and was always so prepared, so admirable. So charming. Just when I thought it'd be so far off from the grid if he ever had feelings toward me, he showed me wrong.
And I think he also held me too, so tight, I was basked with warmth in his arms. I tried to direct his attention to I don't know, some kind of pharmacy?
"Why are you acting so weird? Do we need to go to the doctor?" or jokingly stated,"Why don't we go to your office and find some chemical products that can cure your "sickness"". Gosh, I was super random as per usual, trying to hide my flustered expression. Honestly, it was hilarious and sad in reality.
He scoffed and continued to throw on some light jokes and teasings playfully. He probably did it to make me feel comfortable.
Though, I catched him looking pensive while scrolling down to the chat from his official other half. Maybe he also wondered for countless times why things turned out this way.
I felt scared, not because of his presence or actions, but because deep down, I knew we weren't supposed to be like this. This was fully wrong in the eyes of the public.
And all in honesty, I don't even know what I truly want from this..... "relationship."
He then asked me to move in with him. Somewhere, probably secretly.
I focused my gaze on him, searching for answers, "If I move in with you, will we be happy?"
He said, "I'll make you happy. We'll make us happy."
Then I asked again, implying why he had interests in me, "Why are you trying this hard? Do you think I'm worthy of this? Do you really think I'm lovable?"
And he replied, "You're way more lovable than you think you are."
Maybe this was what had been weighing him down lately, so intensely it reached my land of dreams.
Or maybe this dream presented itself upon me because of the long-overdue suppressed selfish desires of mine.
And then I woke up.
