The fear of "Parenthood "

Part-08##The Fear##

In the car,

Suho is thinking, he really forgot that he has stopped taking his birth control pills for more than two months and Seojun didn't use condoms that night and now he is pregnant..

Seojun is really worried because Suho is silent and doesn't show any reaction about his pregnancy... "does he not want the baby??!" Seojun thinks it by himself.

They have come in front of their apartment.. Suho doesn't say anything, he leaves the car & goes straight to their bedroom ..

Seojun goes to their apartment and thinks Suho is shocked about his pregnancy and wants to give him some time but then he hears Suho's crying.. he is really tensed and thinks he has to talk to Suho.. this stress is not good for him and wants to know why he is acting weird.

Seojun comes to their bedroom and finds Suho who is sitting on the ground reclining his back on the bed & crying like a mess.. Seojun comes in front of him and lowers himself in front of Suho, hugs him and says "Baby why are you crying??Is it about pregnancy?? don't you want the baby ??if you don't want it's ok.. I'm not telling you anything it's your decision...I ",his hands are on Suho's back, rocking back and front trying to calm Suho.

Seojun can't finish his words.. his mouth is covered with Suho's hand..

" Love don't say this.. I.. I ..." Suho can't finish his words &starts to cry..

"Baby don't cry.. tell me what happened??.. Seojun kiss Suho's forehead.

"It's not like I'm sad about my pregnancy.. I'm just shocked and scared "says Suho while crying.

" Why are you scared? " asks Seojun , Suho is now in his arms .

" I can't be a good parent , my kid will never love me, he/she will hate me" Suho is sobbing now..

"But how can you say that?? don't overthink baby , you'll be the greatest parent "saying Seojun..

" I never told you this but I never get parents love, I was never their choice or happy mistake.. I'm always the worst mistake,they always regret having me.. my dad left us cause I was annoying for him and he doesn't want to take any responsibility of mine",Suho stops to catch his breaths... he is crying soo much that he can't breathe properly.. then again he starts" my mom can't take this situation & she starts to blame me for everything.. she starts to beat me when I was 3 and I wasn't allowed to cry , if I cry loud she locked me in the dark storage room"all the memories starts to come in Suho's mind and he starts to hyperventilating....

Seojun starts to tense more & tries his hard to calm Suho.. he is hugging him tightly stroking his back & arm.. "baby it's ok if you don't want to say then don't .. I'll wait to hear another time when you're ready" says Seojun & kisses Suho's forehead..

Suho shook his head & said " no Seo...If I can't say it now, I'll never be able to say it again.. let me, then he starts to say" my mom always thinks, for me she never achieve her dream, in my childhood I was a chubby boy .. my mom hate me to be chubby so she always starve me... I always have to be the way she wants.. but I love my mom & I always wanted to be in her good book.. when I started modelling I was 5....at that time I didn't like this at first but my mom wants me to do it ..... for her I start..... I always love singing but she doesn't like it ..she always wants me to become an actor... just wanting her approval I started to work hard until my album became a hit...and my mom says good .. that's the only compliment she has ever given me in my life .. I used to work 20 hours a day to make my songs perfect.. when I became a hit solo artist in the MJ then she made some distance with me to show the world that she gives her son privacy..... but I know she knows about me and my life .. I also know she knows about our relationship.. it's you that's why she hasn't said anything but if it was someone who is not very high profile she would create a mess ..she just pretends to be a supportive mom.. I'm sorry I'm telling you this but it's true".

"Don't be sorry baby...it's ok", Seojun said in a calming voice.

" And then I didn't have any good friends beside Jookyung.. everyone wants to use me for their benefits.. my ex always takes benefits from me.. he never loves me... I lost faith in love.. luckily you found me & I started to believe in love with you.. if you don't find me idk what I'll do about my life...
I never received parents love and I heard you'll treat your children like the way you get treated in your childhood that's why I think I can never be a good parent". Suho finished all his words..

Seojun hears all his words carefully & he is also crying with Suho.. he doesn't know his lover has been facing all these difficulties in his life.. Seojun says" I'm really sorry i wasn't there for you.. but I promise you now I'm always for you & I'll protect you with everything.. don't believe in those bad words, you're the best ,you care for others,you love others,all the bad things you heard about yourself are all lie & don't cry this much my sweetheart.. it's not good for you & not for the baby.. please calm down.. please ". Seojun kisses Suho's forehead.

Suho tries to calm & asks with his glossy eyes " So you're not mad at me for being pregnant??"

" What !!! no.. why would I be?? Seojun frowns and says again "it's true that the baby is not planned but he/she is going to be an important part of our life & I'm happy to be a father & you're carrying our love symbol .. I love you baby & I love everything about you "

Seojun's words are working like medicine to Suho.. he is more calm now he has happiness in his eyes" I'll try to be a good parent & don't turn like my parents" says Suho.

" I know you will be, you're the most kind hearted person I have seen in my life... don't worry much you'll be the best parent for our child"saying Seojun while wiping Suho's tears from his cheeks, kisses his forehead, cheeks and lastly on his lip then hugs him to give his warmth to Suho..

Suho was melting in those hugs and resting his head on Suho's shoulder & thinking about being a good parent about his upcoming baby then resting his hands on his belly to feel his baby.

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Part-08 complete ☺️☺️