The Junkie (13RW)

01

They say that addiction is the hardest battle anyone could ever go through. It doesn't just affect you, it affects everyone around you. Family, friends, people you talk to. People who try to help you. Justin is the one I hurt the most. With mom and her boyfriends, it was already hard on both of us, but now I've jumped down the rabbit hole and I can't seem to crawl out of it. I whimper against the apartment door, I left my keys somewhere, I can't remember where. I can hear the tv playing inside, it's so loud. Why is it so damn loud? I pull my dress down to keep myself covered, I'm so cold. My body is shivering, I must've taken too much tonight. Heroin will fuck you up, I giggle at my own thoughts. The door suddenly opens and I fall down, halfway inside and my bottom half out the door. I start laughing even more even though my head hurts from the bang. "Jesus! Nicole!" I hear Justin's voice echoing, I open my eyes and smile at him. He doesn't look happy at all, he lifts me up over his shoulder and quietly carries me to my bedroom. "Ouch" I cry out when he throws me onto my bed, he shuts my door and looks at me. "Where the fuck did you go?!
Are you on a high right now?" He whispers in a very aggressive tone, mom must be sleeping, is her boyfriend still here? I make an attempt to sit up but fall right back down as the room spins in circles. "What did you take this time, huh?" He asks as he walks over to me and checks my eyes. I giggle and shrug, "Umm" I begin, he sighs as he leaves the room, I hear the tv click off and the water faucet starts running. His footsteps are louder as he walks back in here, I wish I could realize how much this was hurting him. Seeing his baby sister not even in her right mind. I guess when I take enough, I don't seem to even care. Justin walks over to me with two ibuprofen in one hand and a glass of water in the other, "Here, take these," he tells me. I groan and move my face away from him as he tries to give them to me. "No, I wanna sleep," I mumble, "Just take the damn pills, Nicole," he tells me. I smile and take them from him but before I put them in my mouth, I laugh, "Did you hear that Hannah Baker killed herself?" I ask him, he sets the water down on my nightstand. "That's not funny Nicole, don't talk about that," he warns me. I shrug and put the pills in my mouth while continuing, "I didn't think the bitch had it in her," I mumble, my brother looks at me with such disgust and disbelief.
Like I'm a whole other person, maybe I am. "You two were friends once, what the hell happened to that?" He asks, I glare at him, "You know, Justin, you have no right to look at me that way," I tell him. He looks down and back at me, Nicole stop being so cruel. "At least I didn't let her get raped by my best friend," I tell him, I should be the one looking at him with disgust. He stands up and walks out mumbling, "Fuck you," I take a drink of the water next to me. Like I said, it's a battle. A battle with your family, a battle with your friends, and most of all...it's a battle with yourself. I wasn't always like this. I used to be a good kid, a good kid in a bad home and now, I'm a stain in the carpet you can't get rid of. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
Flashback-
"You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!" I hear Justin screaming at one of my moms boyfriends. They're outside of my door while I'm against my headboard sobbing, hugging my knees. My nightgown torn from him, my wrists bruised from trying to get him off. I hear my mom screaming at Justin, "How could you fucking let him do that to her?! To your own daughter!" Justin screams at her, I hear glass shattering and high pitched screams from my mom. "I'm out of here," is all I hear before the front door slams making me jump. "She's fourteen mom! Fourteen years old! How many times? Huh? How many times have you let them go in there with her?!" He screams at her. I can hear my mom sobbing, "I'm sorry," she repeats over and over again. My door suddenly opens and I back away further, Justin comes into the room and looks at me with such pity. "I'm sorry, Nicole, I'm so sorry," he tells me as he moves closer and hugs me tightly. I stiffened as his arms went around me but then my muscles relaxed when my brain caught on that my brother was hugging me. I let out a loud sob into his shoulder as he does, "I'm not gonna let anyone else hurt you Nicole, I promise, I won't let them hurt you," he tells me. And in that moment, I believed ever word he told me. I knew Justin wouldn't let that happen, my mom could care less, but Justin would do anything to protect his baby sister.
End of Flashback
I open my eyes when I feel the sunshine heating my face, birds chirping outside. Fuck, my head is killing me. I look over on my nightstand and see a bottle of Gatorade sitting there, Justin must've put it there. I wish he would stop trying so hard to help me. I don't want to be saved. I wish he understood. Sometimes we can't be saved. Sometimes we're just screwed.