𝘿𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙡 𝙄𝙣𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙛𝙩 - 𝙔𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍 ✓

37.

━━━

Stanislav's car revs through the streets, one hand on the wheel as he guides the car through the lanes, speeding through without a care for the speed limit. I grip the inside car handles with pulsing anxiety, genuinely not one hundred percent trusting him behind the wheel. Even so, I watch the speedometer before him rise higher and higher, swallowing my stomach back down. 

"Don't you think you should slow down...?" I ask with genuine worry, and he doesn't respond. My eyes flicker back to the window beside me, sinking into my seat nervously. He's going to kill me. God, this man is a maniac. Well, this is better than my other options, I suppose. And it is a little exciting to see the cars fall behind us as he speeds past. 

My gaze flutters back to him for a moment, the silence filled with the car revving and speeding through the streets. 

"Stanislav...?" I begin, having a question that's been rooted in my mind for a while. 

"What is it?" He questions, and I let out a short sigh after a long pause of pondering thought. "Do you... actually like me...? like, in a real romantic sense?" I ask, forcing my words out so I don't choke on them and keep them down. His head tilts a little, gaze narrowing as he keeps silent. I feel my chest pound in nervous anticipation for his words, knowing his actual feelings for me are a mystery. 

"... You wouldn't be in my car if I didn't feel as strongly as I did for you." I feel my body tense, it's like, he's on the right track with his words, but won't get to where I want him to get to. I want to hear his complete, raw honesty. He can get the honesty he wants out of others, but it seems like he can't do it himself. 

"But how 'strongly' do you feel for me? you're not exactly telling me if you have romantic feelings for me or not," I express, turning back to the window beside me. I lower the window enough to let my head peek through, feeling the warm night's wind whirl through my unkempt, loose locks and whip against my face. It calms me, like the wind is taking my worries and blowing them away with it.  

"I had sex with you, isn't that enough of an answer?"

"No, many people have sex with other's and have no romantic feelings for them." I can feel a sense of tense frustration begin to radiate off of him, my head out the window as I watch the cars fly past.

"What do you want me to say, Y/N? that I love you?"

I turn back to him for a moment, his jaw is locked tightly. His grip on the wheel is also just as tense, furrowed, knit brows and a cold gaze through the front window. 

"If that's how you feel, then yes. I just want you to be honest with me, that's all," I double down against his annoyance. I really don't want to push him, but the truth is something I really need. Especially at a time like this. He doesn't say a word. He always closes off when his feelings are backed into a corner. And I don't want to push them in any way that is worse than they should be. 

"...I don't want to talk about this right now."

He mutters, and I swallow before shortly nodding. "That's okay," I assure quietly. I turn back to the window, letting him drive me through the streets. I watch as the city quietens and the streets turn into suburbs, distanced from the large city and across what seems to be a beachy area. He drives up and over a large, widespread hill, and as he drives, my mind whirls. 

Does he love me? that's my one and most prioritized question. My head is telling me he's absolutely mad and I should keep myself away from him, but my heart is compelled and entangled by him. He was my first love, and that's a true fact. He was always my first love.