I've never been what people would consider normal. Yeah I know that sounds extremely cliche and repeated. I'll be happy to let you know that this isn't some story about some girl who has special abilities and gets special treatment because she's the main character. Yet sometimes, I wish it was.
Sometimes I wish I was a girl who everyone falls in love with and thinks is just awesome. So that even though I'm not normal, at least I wasn't seen as a monster. So at least my differences could be seen as less frightening and majestic. But they're not, and that's just how things are unfortunately.
Instead of crying about it and being mad at the world because of how things turned out, I instead just accepted it. Mainly because it's my fault, but also due to the fact that you can't undo what's been done and bitching about it is only gonna make you seem more pathetic than you already are. As a little girl I wanted to be a firefighter, but now i start fires. I wanted to help people and yet all I do is hurt others. I wanted to participate in making the world a better place and now I'm apart of the problem. Looking back I realized how much of an idiot I was. How stupid I must have been to really believe all that crap, but maybe that's just my regret talking. Maybe I'm just so miserable that I choose to see the world in such a pessimistic manner because I'm upset that I don't get to experience happy lives like others do.
I suppose this is what I deserve for what I did to Alex. I did betray him after all. I was supposed to make sure he made it to this year's Corruptional Assembly and now his lifeless body is just lying in dirt. After all of the stuff I've said I bet you believe I am a terrible person but I can't be truly just wicked. I bet you think somewhere in this story I become a better person or better myself in some way like what typically happens. But no, I'm not one to lie. I fucked up and I keep fucking up. You're probably confused and lost though so let me give you some background of my life and how I ended up like this. It started back in the year 1986.
