I stood there dumbfounded and broken, I just couldn't believe my ears. What did I just hear him say? As he repeated the words it felt as though the words were coming out in slow motion from his lips...
''I think I'm beginning to develop feelings for her" he lifted his hands up as though he was about to surrender and said
"I know what you're thinking, it's not like I planned it to happen this way or anything, hmmph, it just happened and I had no control over my feelings"
Did I just hear this right or am I beginning to hear voices in my head?
"You say what?" I replied, hoping that I had misheard him. Okay I could just probably be hearing things and he may as well not have meant what he said, it could also be a sick joke, I thought...
"Listen to yourself talk alright because it's no longer funny and I'm not even laughing"
Josh raised his head and was finally able to catch my eyes as both our gazes lingered for a while before he diverted his gaze to anywhere else but my face.
"I'm talking to you aren't I?" I yelled "tell me you're freaking joking Josh" my eyes already brimming with unshed tears as I spoke, " aren't you going to say anything?" He lifted up his hands and held his head in frustration
"Listen Amelia, you have to calm down, alright, I..."
I laughed humorlessly "I have to what? Calm down?" Turning around I asked no one in particular "did he just ask me to calm down? Hahaha, very funny, oh well okay, I'm calm and you have 5minutes to explain the gibberish I just heard and your time starts now" he let out a breathe that he's been holding back for only God knows how long because I don't care, he could probably just faint for all I care at least I guess that would make me feel better. Okay, I don't mean that, I'm in love with him for Christ's sake, I wouldn't want him harmed or anything, I guess I'm just hurt right now
"I met her at the mall alright and we coincidentally had to take the same taxi back home and she was nice and all and asked for my number, and...and, arrrrgghh" he said in frustration "you're not making it easy for me to explain here if you're going to be tearing up like that" he said pointing to my face
I lifted my hand to my face with no idea whatsoever that the unshed tears had finally found freedom and trickled down my face in a very ungraceful manner, "Oh wow, I'm supposed to be smiling and clapping for you when you tell me you have falling for another GIRL?! Isn't this the first?" as I spoke my voice broke, geez why does it have to sound like I'm struggling to breathe, I didn't think it would hurt so much, I mean I knew being heartbroken could be painful but why do I feel as though my heart is getting ripped out of my chest, it's supposed to be breaking not getting ripped and breaking at the same time, Jesus, how do I handle the two at the same time?
I almost forgot Josh was still in the room with me until I heard him taking very careful and almost calculated steps to me and stopping directly in front of me
"Amelia... please" he called out my name as though he was trying to bring me back to reality "Amelia I... I... I didn't mean for this to happen and you asked me so I had to tell you, I couldn't lie about it, besides we're friends though we're in a relationship" I lifted my head up to meet his gaze "are we still in a relationship though?" I have to be strong and not let him see how broken I am, 'you can do this girl' I chanted to myself "you just mentioned that you have feelings for another person that isn't me and you're asking me to deal with it one way or another" I sniffed "so what do you want me to do about it now huh?" I continued "Listen you have to set your priorities straight," I stood with my shoulders held high because I'm not about to let him see me wail and cry because he chose to be stupid "it's either you want me or you don't, freaking pick a struggle" I stormed out of there because, I mean I can't stay in the same space with him, I felt suffocated already and I needed to breathe and think and who knows just maybe when I get home I will sleep and wake up to find out that it was actually really just a sick joke.
My name is Amelia, I am a lover of God, the last born out of 3 children and I'm from Nigeria. I'm 22years old, dark skinned and petite with small eyes and an almost pointed nose that sits comfortably on my face and full lips that fits my face perfectly. I could be considered beautiful but I had never seen myself as such because I always thought I wasn't so beautiful anyways. I'm a graduate of mass communication and that joker right there is my long time boyfriend of 5years. Josh is light skinned with a height of about 6'0ft, quite handsome with great personality or so I thought and broad shoulders. I mean I always loved me a man that's way taller than me that I could look up to literally. He was pretty much just a Christian because he had to pick a religion and fill it in a document when asked 'are you a Christian or not' he was not so 'christianed', if there is any word like that. We met at my best friend's house when he came along with his friend and roommate who also happened to be my close friend. I felt he was such a snob as at the time because he acted like one, he was freaking annoying too and I didn't like him at all and am sure he felt the same way up until when he 'saved me' from a very persistent tipsy guy who wanted to get my number by all means even when I said no. He just showed up behind me and demanded that the tipsy guy leaves me alone, and since he didn't want trouble because Josh was willing to give him a very hard time he simply let me be and that was when we finally started talking and even became friends. We were so close and inseparable and then he started telling me about his feelings for me. I had already falling in love with him but was still a bit skeptical about it because my previous relationship didn't end in a very pleasant way hence my weariness to let him into my heart without knowing that he already found his way there regardless. I had to at least be friends with him first for a year before we finally made it official. He was sweet, loving and just always there for me, I didn't think any other person could love me as much as he did and that made me so happy that I was willing to do just about anything for him as long as I could keep him to myself. I even saw myself marrying him because I couldn't see myself with any other person. So I did the most stupid thing ever without even knowing, I let him have his way with me because he was persistent and I didn't want to loose him. I was shattered because I had not just betrayed God whom I promised to stay celibate until marriage but myself and my mum. For that reason I was determined that I would do anything to ensure that we got married because in my myopic mind I would have at least gotten married to the one man that I made love to if that could be considered love making though. But all of that came crashing down today when he had the effrontery to tell me that he was beginning to develop feelings for another, I mean how am I supposed to feel? Jeez I feel so light headed, I need to get home ASAP before I faint, the nerve of that guy. I'll just sleep this one off because I'm sure he wasn't thinking straight or probably was not in his right frame of mind when he said that rubbish to me, I trust that by tomorrow his brain would be organized enough to think and speak probably so we wait...
