Play With Me || 2 || Off the Ice Series

19 | The Heart to Heart *

ARDEN

The aftereffects of having Jason's head between my legs still thrums through me minutes later, a slight hum sipping through my veins like electricity as I bask in the sun, my eyes closing of their own accord, head tilted back.

They snap open again when I hear Jason clear his throat and begin speaking.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I need answers," he starts and I feel my throat tighten. "Why did you run?"

"I didn't run." I mutter, turning to look at him even though I try to avoid it.

He only hums, looking into her eyes from his hooded ones. "What do you call running after a night of intense sex and blocking my number?"

"I never had your number." It's the only thing I can think to say.

"Same difference." Jason shrugs but then he lifts my hands to his lips, kissing my fingertips. "We need to get you out of this water, your fingertips are pruning." he kisses my fingertips again and escorts me out of the water as my stomach swoops at the action.

We're both silent as we walk through the trees, lost to our own thoughts, but Jason hasn't let go of my hand, his finger wrapped around mine like a vice as he leads us back to the camp.

When we get there, he drops my hand wordlessly and begins poking at the fire again, going back to what was our lunch and now our dinner, the silence not exactly uncomfortable but not entirely pleasant either.

I watch him as he works, the firelight glinting off his tan muscles like a beacon, shadows dancing around him, only causing the muscles along his biceps to become more pronounced.

He unwraps the fish from where'd he'd wrapped it in leaves, before rearranging the logs and rocks in the fire so the fish has somewhere to nestle safely, the smoke curling around it like a welcome embrace.

He looks up, catching my eyes on him for what feels like the hundredth time today.

He grins. "You're doing it again."

This time I don't look away, letting my shoulders drop, feeling vulnerability whisper through me.

He straightens, walking around the fire towards me, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry I ran without an explanation."

"Oh." He says softly, his grin only slight. "So, you're finally admitting you ran from me?"

I lift a hand and whack his shoulder but he only chuckles before settling in front of me, hands falling to rest of my knees.

I breathe out.

"It wasn't you-" I pause then, needing to be honest. "It wasn't entirely you." I amend and Jason raises a brow, but he doesn't interrupt.

Which I'm grateful for because I don't know if I'd be able to say what I'm about to say if he spoke right now. I'd lose my nerve and back track.

I let out a long breath, trying to find the words. "I've never really... let someone in before," I say, glancing away from him when I say the next part. "The one time I did, it didn't end well." I say the words quietly before looking back at Jason, but he doesn't seem to understand what I mean.

Does he even remember the first time we slept together or was I just another blur of girls that fell at his feet as a teenager?

"And growing up, I watched my mom stay with my dad even though he... well, he was unfaithful, constantly." Jason nods since he knows that already, my families' issues weren't exactly secret. "He knew she loved him enough to never leave, until she finally did, but he took advantage of her love. I promised myself I'd never give anyone that kind of power over me."

"And then you-" I shake my head, "It's just what I do, I run from relationships. I'm not relationship material, Jason. If you want a fuck buddy then yep, I'm yours. If you want a one night, I'm your girl, but relationships? They're off limits."

"I don't do relationships." I utter, "I never have." I look up at him, "That was a promise I made years ago, and I never had an issue sticking to it, but then that night - the night of Asters wedding - you-" I cut off, clearing my throat and shaking my head. "You brought back feelings I'd thought I'd buried. I thought it was just going to be a one-night thing; I knew who you were and what you did and so when I woke up in the morning, I left."

I pause, feeling my throat tighten. "Then, that morning, after I left you there asleep, a woman was waiting outside for me. She wasn't at the wedding, didn't even say who she was, but she started asking all these questions. And then she started talking about you. About all the other women, all the choices you had with the career you chose - that I was just another girl that had bagged Jason Wilde."

The word tastes bitter, and I shock myself at the jealousy I feel. "She said I was never going to be anything more. That you could have anyone, so why would you go for me?" I swallow, looking away and hating myself for letting old insecurities rule my life. "It's not like I had big expectations, but it hit me—how different we have always been. You have this whole world I can't touch."

"It's not like I wanted more." I repeat. Did I? "And then you were there, smiling like you'd just had the best day of your life, talking about taking me on a date and seeing where things could lead, and I just freaked out because -" I wanted that, and I'd never wanted that in my life. "You are you, and I am me and we're just too different."

"So, you wrote me off without even trying?"

I look up at him, but I can't read the emotions on his face, not even sure if I want to witness the hurt, I just caused. "Jason-"

Jason stands, shoving his hands into his pockets, and looks off into the dark trees. He nods, but it's more to himself than to me, as if he's realizing something he's been trying not to believe.

"You know, after Aster's wedding, I thought...I had this feeling-" he begins, his voice barely above a whisper. Then he pauses, as if reconsidering, his jaw clenching. "Forget it."

"Jason, wait," I say, reaching out, but he takes a step back, his face unreadable in the flickering light of the fire. He doesn't meet my eyes, his gaze fixed somewhere over my shoulder, like he can't bear to look at me.

"You know, I don't get it, Arden," he says, voice laced with quiet hurt. "I tried. I would've kept trying. But it's like..." He cuts off, "You're good at keeping people out. But I thought... I thought maybe I'd be the one you'd let in. I thought you knew me well enough to know I wouldn't hurt you."

I swallow, his words sinking in like stones. I want to say something, anything, but no words come.

Jason looks away, letting out a slow breath. "I'm going for a walk. I just need some air."

Without waiting for a response, he turns and walks off into the darkness, his silhouette fading until he's gone. The sound of his footsteps grows softer, swallowed up by the night.

I sit there in the silence, watching the fire crackle, the emptiness he's left behind heavier than anything I've ever felt. I wait, hoping he'll come back, say something, anything—but the night stretches on, silent and unforgiving.

My eyes beg to close as the last dying embers of the fire splutter out, bathing me in the moons glow and the smell of smoke on the air. Jason hadn't come back yet and I want to stay up, wait for him even as sleep pulls me under.

The dance of the flames is mesmerizing, lulling me to sleep. So, when my eyes finally close with heaviness and Jason still isn't back, I let slumber pull me in.

Something shifts in the air, and I grunt softly, forcing my eyes open when I feel hands around me, pulling me into a hard, warm chest and watch through bleary eyes as Jason holds me to him and walks us to the shelter.

"You didn't have to pick me up." I mumble and he tenses, looking straight ahead.

"Go back to sleep." He mumbles and I do, relaxing in his arms.

He sits down on the floor, placing me next to him before I feel him shift and lay behind me, his chest against my back and arm over my hip.

"Jason-"

"Go to sleep, Arden."

I curl up, listening to his breathing as he stirs and tightens his hold on me before loosening it, trying and failing to ignore the ache in my chest.