Teenage Goo Goo Lolis

Teenage Goo Goo #No Name

My name is...

I don't know what my name is....

I'm 21 years old, I'm a medicine student. But I can't remember my fucking name....

Last night, on New Year's Eve, maybe I drank too much -- yes, maybe I did.

I had gone to a club with a group of friends, and I, fresh out of a complicated relationship, was looking for some handsome macho guys to fuck.

So I embarked on this bizarre adventure with the group of whores that were my friends.

These days, I am constantly horny...yes, I feel...empty. Incorporeal.

I can't feel my body, only my fantasies.

Me, I don't really have a name. 

I have never had a name, I have never existed, I have never been anything to anyone.

Or maybe, that day, when my father asked me to take off my clothes, I was wanted....

Someone wanted me, someone wanted my body!

He, too, wanted it too...however, then he got tired, and threw me away like a doll.

I had no name for him, I was the equal of his #No Name green tobacco pouch, I didn't count for shit....

I was a miserable pawn, a pawn to meet his needs.

Me, I never had a name, for anyone. Did I ever really exist? Why don't I remember now?

I am naked, but I cannot see my flesh. I am naked, but I cannot imagine my body. My essence is empty, I am nothing.

I have always been nothing, a miserable projection of my soul.

I do not feel my body.

I do not have a name.

I don't exist.

But then why can I think? How did I come to this conclusion if I really am nothing? I can think, I can reason, so I exist!

For my father, however, I never existed....

To him, I was a common lump of meat. To him, I was food.

That disgusting man always wanted to eat me, with his violent, ravenous eyes.

He had to wait until I reached the age of majority to shove the truth in my face. He had to wait for me to emancipate myself to show my true self.

My mother, on the other hand, she was a miserable bystander. She said nothing, but watched in silence. I always hated that bastard.

I always hated...myself.

I never wanted to look at that fucking shitty mirror, because that contraption was constantly shoving the truth in my face.

In that mirror, I observed all my wounds, the ones from when my father couldn't handle his anger.

He always made me feel guilty that I was born, that jerk made my whole existence weigh on me!

Why did you give birth to me...if you then have to treat me like this?

And you, why did you kiss me if you then abandoned me?

Why did you tell me I was the only one for you, if then you threw me away like a broken toy?

Why did you give me all those gifts, if then you left? I really fucking loved you!

Men suck! I hate them! Because of them, I want to kill myself!

Because of my father, I want to go to the other

other world! When he was kicking my ass, to him I did not exist.

I exist, but for others it is as if I do not! I am tired of being objectified! I am tired of being mistreated!

Why can't I have a decent life too? Why does everyone take advantage of me?

Please stop it, all of you....

I just want to receive...a sincere kiss. A sensual, passionate kiss from someone who really loves me. I...I need love.

I don't remember my name.

Maybe, I don't have one. 

Perhaps, I will forever remain like this, a naked body waiting for a sincere kiss.