(Matt) Angst

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Matt's anxiety is really bad so he ends up throwing up and Nick helps him.

TW: throwing up (not much detailed, literally four words)

Also, I'm going to write this in present instead of past as the others. If you prefer in past tell me, but I really wanna give my stories more realism and I think this could help. Anyways, I always read your comments. Maybe not the next second you send it, but I really appreciate your requests. Thank you so much for almost 2k reads :)

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Matt's pov

I look at my phone: 5.00am. I have been trying to fall asleep for almost two hours, but it seems I just wasted my time. Normally, I would just keep trying or go tell my brothers and I think that may help right now. Fuck, I think too much. The last hours were an endless loop of thinking. Thinking about thinking? You must be joking, kid, I say to myself. My head is already pounding and I can also feel that weird weight on the top of my chest. Looking at the ceiling, as the past two nights, I wait for a couple of tears to shed from my eyes. What's wrong? What the fuck's wrong now? I know my thumb is probably covered with blood, but I start skin-picking again. Why should I stop it if I'm going to do it anyways? All my attention is on the pressure on my chest, making it worse. Fuck. If I could tell you how madding it is, I would, but I feel there are no words for explaining such a feeling.

A lump begins to form in my throat. It's not because of the tears, that's for sure. When it reaches my stomach, I start sobbing to the pain it makes me feel. Why can't I handle it better? It's not even a panic attack. I should be able to. I go to the bathroom. Not because I want, but in prevention of what's about to happen. After emptying my stomach, I start crying again. I'm so weak.

I hear how somebody knocks on the door, but I don't wanna open. The only thing I need right now is this heavy weight to disappear. The weight and my anxiety. I just can't handle it anymore. This angstful feeling have been making my life shit during many years and probably won't go. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The pressure goes even heavier to the point I can't move. I'm tired of it. My mind is completely filled with impotence. When is this gonna end? I feel how somebody wraps his arms around me and I do back, starting sobbing again. I just wanna feel better.

The next morning I wake up in my room. I notice I'm into Nick's arms so I hug him tight. I can feel his heat, helping me feel safe.

"How are you feeling?" He asks with his morning voice. I pay attention to my chest. The weight is gone. I feel how relief finally gets establish in my mind.

"Better", I answer. Me and Nick stay a few more minutes hugging, enjoying each other's presence. "I love you, Nick"

"I love you, Matt. So much". I smile at his words. What would I do without my brothers?

Ok, I know this is not a request, I'm aware. I was trying to do one, but I came up with this and I honestly love it. It's really short, but really intense as well, I hope you like it. The next one is going to be a request, I promise.

Happy New Year Eve everybody! 2024 it's going to be an amazing year, I can feel it (lie, but that's what I'm supposed to say). Anyways, I wish your hopes on life are better than mine and your year starts alright :)

words: 634

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