something in the orange - chris sturniolo

+03+

ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʀᴀɴɢᴇ

❝ it seems to me that always- you're about to leave. ❞

-eulogy + wilbur soot

❝ sunsets were always there to pull us out of bed, yet your not here to see this one with me, and of course it's the most beautiful. ❞
- airis <33

▌ o3

—--☼—--

    It was something similar to a eulogy.

    Poems were definitely something I denied and pushed away for the longest time as a writer. Yet once I tried it- I learned how much I loved writing them.

    They helped me regulate my feelings or even make sense of them. I could be as rude or spiteful as I wanted without worrying of hurting someone. If it was too hurtful I would end up scrapping it or hiding it, but it still helped me.

    It cooled my nerves before a situation where I had to go talk to the person i was having issues with. I also got out the things I wanted to say but couldn't.

    This one- this was no emotional dump.

    This was merely a eulogy, for I had no spite to spill on paper.

    I missed him and that was all I could feel.

—--☼—--

❝ what is it in your eyes that i hold so dear? and is there something in mine that makes you think otherwise? so much that you had to leave? ❞

❝ what in the way i wrap my arms around you, or speak to you makes you think i would leave? that i would be capable of doing so? ❞

❝ your eyes and your shining smile could never be something i'd let go of. ❞

—--☼—--

    Before I knew it- I had 9 poems just about the situation and it was 2 am. I didn't write for hours but I sat around and went on my phone, or stared at the ceiling between the times I was at my computer.

    Although most of them were letters of longing- the last one was mostly anger.

    I shut my computer with an unintended slam.

    I glanced at my bed, the sheets bunched up, and the comforter sitting halfway on the floor. I drug my hands over my head, pulling my hair over my face.

    I was quick to tie it up into a ponytail.

    Ripping the comforter from my bed was an easier task than I thought. It was heavy as the winter months carried a heavy cold, yet my adrenaline from the anger I was experiencing made throwing it aside too easy. I tore the sheet off of my bed as well, and finally the vexing feeling within my core was gone and I fell with my tears again.

    My body dragged along the fitted sheet as it was half placed on my bed. I gave up halfway through trying to do that. I slumped into an uncomfortable sitting position, my back resting up against the end of the bed frame.

    It seemed to me now that the signs were readable.

    Why hadn't I seen it before?

    He had a hard time getting used to things and moreover- getting into things. He didn't trust easily, and he definitely doubted himself and others. He doubted everything really.

    Lingering in doorways- uncomfortably. It seemed to me that he was always about to leave.

    Why did he doubt the year that sat between us? The year that tied us together?

—--☼—--

     My alarm rang, as I sat up, sprawled out on my bed stripped of its covers.

    7:03 am.

    The light from the sky spilled through my window, an alarmingly- striking orange. The clouds glowed brighter than the sky itself. At the top there was a dim blue blending through the orange.

    Chris and I used to set alarms so we could watch the sunrise together. As winter brought the event later, we didn't have to wake up so early- yet we stopped setting them.

    So why was my alarm on?

    I furrowed my brows at my phone lying next to me. I pressed stop on my alarm, and scooted closer to the window.

    The way the orange of the sunrise shined so brightly, it was- different. A kind of different Chris and I had never witnessed. Oh and of course he wasn't there to see it. The boy would do anything to sleep in when there was no occasion for me or his brothers to drag him out of bed.

    Maybe we were still meant to watch these scenes together.

    I've never seen a sunrise so beautiful.

    Something in the orange tells me we're not done.

▌751 words

! a/n ! + airis <33
you guys can see the pictures and the songs at the top right?

important people ! ⬎
luverboychris somethingheavenknows sparklefics redrosesbylilskies nitaaa_nito heaven4now fresh_love RemmyRizz_Reem darkbydominicfike Xxbittersweet_RoseXx