YOU, ME, US [ okkotsu yuuta x reader ]

05: DREAMER

With you, everything goes silent.

That's what Okkotsu has noticed. He's noticed how Rika becomes dormant whenever you appear. He's noticed how his hands begin to tremble a little less and how his words have become a little smoother, his voice stronger.

He's noticed a lot of things.

Like how he's able to sleep a little easier at night, like how he actually tries to take care of his hair in the morning. Okkotsu has been feeling free these days; he's been feeling like it's alright, that things are—and will be—okay.

Okkotsu doesn't understand much about himself, he supposes that being fifteen does that to a person. He doesn't understand much about the world, about Rika, about the ring on his finger. He doesn't understand a lot of things, actually, but he feels like you do.

"Imai-san," Okkotsu asks in between bites of his cold rice. "Will I be cursed forever?"
You shrug, your hands occupied by an orange. Okkotsu has noticed that you like oranges; you have one every day. He's noticed that you have a habit of tapping any nearby surface whenever you're in deep thought. He's noticed how you furrow your brows when you're concentrating, how you stare straight at him yet your eyes always feel distant, as if they're drifting beyond him. Okkotsu supposes that he notices a lot of things about you, albeit subconsciously.

"Depends." You slowly peel the rind. "If you want, I can exorcise her for you."

Something rumbles within his chest, and Okkotsu can't tell if it's his heart or if it's Rika's spirit, threatened by your words. Despite the anguish she's caused him, Okkotsu can't bring himself to let go of Rika, not after knowing that it's actually her, not just a figment of his own nightmares.

Because Okkotsu doesn't remember Rika as what she is now: a monster. Okkotsu remembers Rika as a kind, pale girl who has long, silky brown hair. He remembers Rika as someone who would always show him a tender smile, a girl who promised to marry him, a girl who gave him the ring he cherishes.

He remembers Rika as what she was: his first love, his world. He remembers her as the center of his life, the reason for his existence.

It's so strange, he thinks. How could someone who gave him meaning, who gave him life, make him want to end it all now? How could someone he cherishes become someone he loathes, someone who makes him want to end the existence that once belonged to her?

And yet he cannot bring himself to let her go. In the end, Okkotsu thinks, I am the reason for my own suffering.

"You..." Okkotsu swallows thickly, the plain taste of the rice becoming overwhelming on his tongue. "You can't."
You shrug. "Then you'll live with her forever."

Like we promised, he thinks, fiddling with the ring hanging from his necklace. Okkotsu feels an ache in his chest, his torso constricting with agony as his dainty fingers come to clasp around the cold, metal ring.

Before, Okkotsu used to hate the prospect of living. He used to try and take his life, but Rika would always interfere. Knives would twist in unimaginable ways, guilt would form in the pit of his stomach as yet another person was beaten, mangled, destroyed by the curse that haunts his waking moments.

Living with Rika forever was completely out of the question. Okkotsu wanted a way to get rid of her—or maybe not. Maybe he wanted a way to get rid of himself, but being fifteen doesn't do much for a person's understanding of themself. Okkotsu doesn't know what he wanted back then; he also doesn't know what he wants now.

What he does know, however, is that maybe living with Rika forever wouldn't be too bad. Because with you, everything goes silent.

With you, Okkotsu feels safe. Safe enough to live. Maybe even forever.