Line of Life

Engaged, Now What

I recently got engaged to a man I have been dating for almost 4 years. It was New Years, we were in a classy bar that you have to reserve a spot for in order to get in, and when the clock struck 0 he got on his knee and proposed. For the rest of the night, the other guests were congratulating me. But I was stuck not sure if I was faking my happiness for others or if I even wanted to get married so soon.

This is an interracial relationship. I am American and he is Chinese. Our relationship is a good and calm one. Between us, we have 2 cats and 3 dogs. Yes, they are technically mine and I would get all of them if I decide to break up with him. I traveled to teach in china due to not knowing what I wanted to do yet besides not being poor. It was while I was on vacation for the New Years that I happened to meet him. 

It was 2020 of January and I was traveling with my coworkers. I was using a dating app to see if I can make some friends that are locals so we can explore better places without getting lost since our Chinese was very limited between all of us. He was one of the people I swiped on and we got talking. Throughout the week of us being there, we met up a few of the days and decided we wanted to keep in touch.

We did. Called each other every night for a few months until we decided to make it official.

But almost 4 years later, I am still thinking of the one that got away before he was in my life.

Is this normal for someone to do?

It has been almost 10 years and I know I should move on, but for some reason I have a hard time letting go. We don't keep in touch at all and haven't for all that time, but he is still on my mind every day. 

He is the reason why I am even unsure to begin with. I can't imagine how I would feel if I did get over him. Would I be happier with the engagement? Would I know better if I want to go through with the wedding or not? Would I be more sure of what decision is the best to make?

Any advice?

Confused, the Author.