Credits:babay-outsider
I haven't spoken to Johnny since we slept together. And that was months ago.
When I woke up that morning , I slipped out of my bedroom into the bathroom. I sunk to the floor, conflicted about everything. I was disappointed in myself for calling him, but I also missed him badly. I sat there and contemplated everything. Was it possible for things to work out? The longer I sat there, the more I realized how our ends could meet if there was just compromise... More so on his part. What if it was just the people at our school, what if it was just this town that was tearing at us? What if we left? There was so much we've been through in the little time we've been together. I mean it's not easy, breaking through his stupid, tough exterior. But somehow, he let me see the weakest parts in him. Which allowed him to want to grow stronger for himself and me.
I just wish he'd do that more often like he had before. And then it clicked. What if we just needed to sit down and talk. Like normal fucking adults. And apologize. Me, for leaving without an explanation. And him, for lying. We clearly still wanted to be with each other... so let's just drop all the bullshit.
I pulled myself up. I was going to climb back into bed with him. I would tell him about giving him a second chance before he woke up. Except, when I walked in he was already gone.
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Most days out of the week, you'll find me at the library. Studying, reading, or homework is all I do. I can't risk flunking my senior year. Because what college would accept a failing student and what scholarships can a mediocre student be granted? I can't even consider college without thinking about how I'm going to pay for it. My friends think I'm paranoid- which I am. I've managed to carry good grades, but I always wondered if it were enough. I think being in a relationship threw me overboard and I got too distracted. Now I've had enough time to make up for it.
If I'm being honest though, I don't isolate myself in the library just for the studying. My friends have already concluded that I'm hiding, which of course is true. Even when all my assignments are finished early, I still come here. Only to zone out of the same page of a book I've had in my hands for the past 45 minutes. I tend to stare out the window that faces a courtyard. I caught him once, talking to a girl outside. She smiled at Johnny and handed him a slip of paper, one too big for writing just a phone number. Maybe it was just a worksheet. I didn't look at their interaction for too long because it wasn't my place anyway. I kicked myself for even wondering.
I only stayed an hour after school ended to get work done, I left the library and headed outside. When I was near the student/guest parking lot I heard someone shout for me. Oh fuck. Blonde locks and a sweet smile.
I composed myself before turning my back. "Hi Laura." I grinned.
It felt just as odd calling her by her first name as it was calling her Mrs. Lawrence. She insisted it when Johnny first took me to meet her, I somehow felt like I had to earn the first name basis though. I didn't see her very often, since it meant we'd have to talk to Syd too.
"Hi sweetheart, how you been?"
"Uh good." I nodded.
"Good, that's good." Her head peaked to the side.
"Yeah, I'm just heading home." I gestured.
"Oh Johnny not taking you?"
"Oh umm no, not today." I chewed my lip and stood awkwardly.
She closed her eyes and cringed. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have asked. I guess I already knew something was happening, you don't come by anymore..." Her eyes were kind still as she frowned. "Look, I won't sugarcoat it, but I'm here for a conference with Johnny's teachers. It's his grades- they say he doesn't want to go to college anymore. There's no career plan either. I'm worried about him, he's my only son and..." She sighs.
