Change

Chapter 1

Jessica

I grabbed yet another shot and let the burning liquid run down my throat . The music was was so loud and I can feel the alcohol taking over my body . My phone was buzzing constantly in my pocket. I knew it was my mom just to give me shit about how I'm not home. I ignore every call and kept taking shots .

"Jess slow the fuck down, you're gonna give yourself alcohol poisoning." Caroline my best friend since freshman year of high school. She's like my safe place. Not even my own mother is my safe place . She's been on my ass 24/7 and its just mentally exhausting at this point. I already know I'm going to get home and she's just gonna yell at me and I'm gonna say sorry and go to bed and by the time it's the next morning it'll be like nothing happened .

"Let's go get some more drinks !" I yelled and our little group cheered but Caroline grabbed my arm and pulled me aside.

"It's time to go home ." She gave me a stern look . I knew she was right but when I drink and dance I don't have to worry or think about anything. We headed out and I could barely walk. When we got into the car , Caroline gave he a bottle of water and some ritz crackers . She's a better mom then my own .

"Thanks coraline." I slurred and looked at her with a smile. She rolled her eyes and began driving back to my house . The drive was silent . I knew she was pisses but this isn't something knew . I've been doing this for months since I got out of school. The memories always try to flood back but I just push it away . I checked my phone and saw 23 missed calls and 15 text . I didn't even bother checking them or given her a call back . We reached home and I just sat in the car refusing to go in the house.

"Jess, you need to talk to your mom. I know she's gotta be pissed but these nights need to stop ." I rolled my eyes. I already gonna hear it from my mom , don't need to hear it from her .

"You know , you don't have to go out with me every night yet you choose to come out with me every time." She deep sighed and put her head on the steering wheel.

"Stealing money from your mom and drinking while you're under age because you have a fake ID isn't the way Jess . I know you're going through a tough time since-"

"Thanks for the ride." I got out avoiding talking about it . She knew I didn't like talking about what happened . I got in the house without even doing back at her to see if she's still in the driveway or not . I hoped maybe my mom went to bed but instead she had the light on in the dining room with arms across her chest with the look of anger.

"Let me guess , Jess stop going out , you're out of control blah blah blah." I giggled sat down next to her but her facial expression changed and it was more of a sadden look and worry . I waited for her to say something but it was just silent . Something wasn't quite right.

"Jess, I know things have been so hard for you , and I'm so sorry if you felt like I haven't been there . I should have been more supportive and I blame myself for you becoming this other person that I don't even know . But I had a hard time too and I had to figure out a way to provide for us. I know you lost your dad and brother but I lost my son and my husband too. You're all I have and even then , I feel like I'm losing you and I'm failing you Jess." Tears ran down her cheek and her voice was shaky . This is the first time she said this since they died from a drunk truck driver accident. I was a daddy's girl so when he passed , I felt a piece of me die too . That's when the down fall happened . It happened on my graduation night of all nights and my mom and I took a separate car while ,my brother and dad went to go get my graduation cake which made it feel like it's my fault to begin with. Since then my mom and I haven't gotten along . I was supposed to go to Stanford but I can kiss that goodbye since I never showed up. Almost every night , I just go out drinking to avoid my mom.

"Mom please stop crying." I have been the shittest daughter in the world but what am I supposed to do. Therapy did not help and just getting out of the house helped me not having to see the empty rooms that my brother and father once stayed in. It's too hard to come to reality.

"Jess , you're just too out of control. So I'm sending you off to England to go to college. You're gonna be staying with Anne till you can get in your feet. I love you so much but I can't keep worrying if you're dead somewhere . It's time for you to straighten your life. I already bought your plane ticket , you leave tomorrow afternoon." I couldn't even speak I was so shocked . My mom is going to send me away.

"Mom please , I will straighten out . Please don't send me away." Tears started to form. How can she send me away like this . I know I've been out of control but I could've been worse . I don't sleep with a bunch of dudes or do drugs. Smoked weed once and hated it , bad trip but that's not the point . I can't leave here and go to some posh country where drinking tea and biscuits are a delicacy.

" I thought this long and hard and I'm going to give you a year . If you straighten up in a year and you still want to come back then you will be on the first flight home but you have to show me that you can become the women you were . I miss my Jessica not this stranger that I don't even know ." I understood where she was coming from but a whole year . That is going to be hard and I'm going to be away from Caroline. Oh my god Caroline! I left things horrible for her .. and I feel like she was trying to warn me this whole time . I don't even know how to break it to her . I basically just stormed off just because I didn't want to hear it . How can I even fix this . I wanted to pull my hair out and scream but instead I took a deep breath and made my way to my room to start packing . Where do I even start ..

Next morning

I woke up on the floor with clothed draped on my lap. I guess I never finished packing . I grabbed whatever I had left and threw it in my suitcase . My head was pounding from the hangover that formed from all the alcohol I consumed last night . I honestly wish what happened last night was a dream but I knew I'm going to be headed to great ole Britain. I grabbed a pair of my leggings and my beige sweater and my panties and bra . Made my way to the shower and hoped that maybe a hot shower will help a little with this headache .
After my hot shower,I got dressed and fixed up my hair and did my whole skin care routine before packing it up in my suitcase with all my other shit I'm taking and made my way downstairs with it all. My mom and somehow Caroline was waiting with coffee and breakfast . I thought she would be pissed after but I can tell she knew I was headed off . I know my mom told her so she's probably devastated.

"Carol, I'm so sorr-" instead she gave me a big hug and I can hear her sobbing . I wrapped my arms around her tight and started crying too. She's been guide through this I mean not the best but she's been trying to be there for me , I've just been difficult.

"Promise you're gonna call me everyday okay? Or at least try to, I know it's hard when we're in different area codes. But I'm always here for you okay? And I'll try to visit , always wanted to go London." She laughed trying to think positive . I nodded my head and gave her one more hug before loading my luggage in the car . I ate breakfast with them and got ready for us to head out . Made sure I had my passport and everything in my bag and took one more look at the house before getting in the car. I looked up at my window and felt like I saw my brother and dad staring at me. I took a deep breath and got in.

The whole drive to the airport was basically my mom telling me what not to do like party and drink and fuck everything up with Anne . Anne was my moms best friend since college . I grew up with her two kids Harry and Gemma . Gemma was Jonathan's age Harry was a year older then I was . They used to joke around saying that we were gonna her kids but things change and friends grow apart and I haven't seen them since I was 5 at least not until my dad and Jonathan's funeral. They all came except Harry. I was really surprised since he was so close with my dad after his left. He even kept I'm contact with Jonathan too. I wonder what he looks like now .

We reached the airport and I got out and grabbed my luggage and saw my mom already bawling. She's the one who decided to send me off yet she's crying which is making me cry.

"Mom please don't cry , it'll be one year right ? I'll become better okay." I said wiping the tears from her eyes trying to calm her down . I gave her one last hug and assured her that I will call her once I land and waved good-bye. I checked in, got through security and headed to my gate and waited to be called. My group number was called and I got in the plane and to my seat . Luckily it's a window seat so I can rest my head . I could totally use a drink right now . Good bye America , hello London.