𝗪𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲 || 𝗥𝗶𝘄𝗼𝗼𝗻𝗴

𝗦𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻

Pov Jiwoong

"I deserve it. He's right, I deserve it."

"No, he's not. Jiwoong, seriously now, you did nothing."

"I should've died."

Jiwoong wiped his tears away, and just went to class, without looking at anyone or talking to any of them.

He couldn't focus. He wasn't thinking of anything, his mind was blank, yet he still couldn't focus.

He was staring at his desk, trying his best not to cry. He didn't like getting so much attention, especially from his classmates.

"Hyung?"

Gunwook whispered, but Jiwoong ignored him. He knew that if he talked to him, he'd cry.

'Don't let me hate you. Be by my side even if I say I do.'

Jiwoong grabbed his stuff, and got ready to go out, leaving everyone behind him confused, and surprised.

"You turned Ricky gay!"

That boy shouted, and got on Jiwoong's nerves. He turned around, and looked at him.

"Right. I did. Even straight guys turn gay for me. But what about you? Straight girls are lesbians for you. Bastard."

He kept running and running, through Ricky's house. He didn't care if he would kick him out.

He just had to do what he told him. He really couldn't let Ricky hate him. He couldn't stand it.

He knocked the door, patiently waiting for him to open it. But he never did. He never opened the door.

And there was no way he knew who was outside the house. So something was definitely wrong.

"Ricky!"

He shouted, worried that something had happened to him. And he wasn't wrong at all.

The door opened, with Ricky looking at him from down the floor. He was glaring at Jiwoong but still let him in.

The elder closed the door, threw his bag on the ground, and kneeled in front of him, holding his hands tight.

And no matter how hard Ricky tried to take his hands off Jiwoong's, the elder kept holding him tighter every time.

"Let go. Don't touch me."

"No. I won't do it. Why are you down here?"

"I fainted."

Ricky murmured, looking away, trying to avoid eye contact with Jiwoong, something that he failed to do.

The elder carried him to his bed, and Ricky didn't try to stop him. He didn't have the strength to do it.

"You think if I could stop them, I wouldn't do it? Only if I knew what they were about to do... Everything would've been different. Maybe you wouldn't hate me that much."

"Can you just leave me alone?"

"No. No, I can't. I will never leave you alone. I promised not to do it."

Ricky felt tears flowing down his cheeks, and immediately wiped them away. He had changed a lot after meeting Jiwoong.

"Just leave. I hate you."

"I know. But I'm not leaving. You told me to stay by your side."

"It was definitely because I was still in the hospital, and I was sick."

But Jiwoong didn't move an inch. He knew he had to stay with Ricky for as long as possible.

"Leave!"

"Fine, I will."

He got up, and slowly started to walking through the door. He wouldn't leave, he just wanted to make Ricky believe he would.

"I'm sorry."

Jiwoong heard Ricky saying, with a low voice, before the elder could step out of the house.

"Don't be. I have to go."

"No! I have to be."

"Yeah, whatever, I'm leaving."

But before he could even open the door, Ricky jumped off his bed, and ran to Jiwoong.

He grabbed him by his shoulders, and pushed him against the wall. He looked at him in the eyes, slowly getting closer to the elder's face.

But instead of kissing him, he opened the door, and motioned Jiwoong to leave quickly.

The elder sighed, and stepped out of the house. He didn't look at Ricky. Once the door closed, he sat down, and started to cry.

He didn't want to leave. He wanted to be near Ricky, even if that was the only possible way to do it.

He cried a lot, until he ran out of tears. His breath stopped, and he was feeling really dizzy.

"I should've died."

He murmured, before losing consciousness. He woke up all alone, still there, outside Ricky's house.

The door behind him opened, and Ricky sat down, next to him, still avoiding eye contact.

"Maybe Hanbin is right."

"I never expected you to defend him, because he is like me. That was amazing."

Ricky smiled, and looked away, trying to hide it. Jiwoong didn't know why he couldn't stay mad at him, when he found out something like that.

Tho he didn't do anything, he was expecting Ricky to hate him a lot after that, something that the younger claimed he did, but he couldn't show it at all.

"No one's allowed to make my friends feel bad. Whoever does, is officially dead for me."

Jiwoong looked down, trying to calm down. He didn't know what to do. If he could only go back the time and stop it all.

"I'm sorry. I should've stopped them, I'm sorry."

The elder said, bending his legs, resting his head on his knees, when the younger hesitantly placed his hand on his back.

"Was it something you knew about and didn't do anything to stop it when you could?"

"No. No, it wasn't."

"Then you have absolutely nothing to do with it. It's just that- his death hurt me, and it still does."

Jiwoong could understand it. Ricky seemed so hurt, that he couldn't even cry about it anymore.

"And I'm such and idiot for wishing for your death. I'm such an asshole."

"Well, if it wasn't you, I'd say that you really are, but, you're not. And I understand you. Maybe I really deserve to-"

"No! No no no, please, don't ever believe me. Don't- please, I'm just a stupid boy who's speaking nonsense. Don't believe me."

Jiwoong couldn't help, but hug him tightly, not wanting to let go again.