You're In Ruins (KaiNess/IsaNess)

Chapter 1

Why do I feel this way? Alexis Ness was sitting in the Blue Lock cafeteria, watching Michael Kaiser eat breakfast at an otherwise empty table. (The rest of the Bastard team didn't exactly appreciate Kaiser's company.) He had thought about eating his own food, but that thought was quickly pushed away the second Kaiser started to speak. He was rambling on and on about his plan to take down Yoichi, but Ness wasn't listening; he was too busy trying not to vomit from how disgusted Kaiser's voice was making him feel. And apparently, he wasn't trying hard enough because a few minutes into his and Kaiser's onesided conversation, Ness had to excuse himself to the restroom to prevent himself from throwing up on the ace.

"Sorry, Kaiser, but I need to use the restroom," Ness said with an apologetic smile. He didn't actually feel sorry, but Kaiser didn't need to know that.

Kaiser's face scrunched up in annoyance, or maybe disgust; Ness didn't stick around to decipher which it was. He quickly got up, practically running to the bathroom.

Once in the restroom, Ness briefly looked at himself in the mirror. He found he looked paler than usual. There were other things he would have noticed if he had cared to look for them or even spent a second more on his reflection, but Ness was in a hurry. He swiftly turned away from the mirrors and pushed himself into the first stall, falling to his knees with a quiet sob.

"Fuck..." He didn't even notice he was crying till he was in front of the toilet.

Ness looked down at his reflection in the slightly murky toilet water and watched his tears drip down into the bowl. I look pathetic. He thought. He thought this a few more times before deciding to do the one thing that made all his thoughts disappear. He took two of his fingers and shoved them as far down his throat as he could, and with a few gags, all his previous thoughts went poof, replaced by the burn of his throat and the sound of bile splashing into the toilet bowl. He stayed like this for minutes, forcing everything he could out of his stomach, gripping the toilet bowl with so much force he thought it would shatter; then he started to feel someone's eyes behind him. After giving a few pathetic coughs, he whipped his head around and was met with the presence of the person he wanted to see least.

"Are you okay, Ness?" Isagi Yoichi asked, eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide.

"How long have you been standing there?" Ness asked, voice raspy. In his mind, he asked a different question. Do you understand what I just did?

"About since you came in here. Listen, I know you don't like me, but if you're sick, I can take you to the infirmary," Isagi said, genuine concern dripping from his every word.

"No, I'm fine. I just ate something that didn't agree with me." Ness said, hoping to God that his tears were hidden in the shadows of the bathroom stall. But God never really listened to Ness.

"Um, why are you crying?" Isagi asked, shifting his weight in discomfort.

That's it. I really want to die right now. Ness thought. In the back of his mind, he was planning what to write on his suicide note.

"What are you talking about?" Ness asked; he decided playing dumb was his only chance of getting out of this. If he finds out why I was crying, he'll realize what I was actually doing. Ness worried.