the love which hurted like hell (En)

chapter 1

I was around 16 and he was 18 when they met online,I believe she found him first and they began to talk,it was clear a love story would build up upon these two but not a love story which could hurt so bad...

This is only a beginning of a love story with ups and downs...something like a true love...and obsession..

It was at the beginning of March when they met,I don't clearly remember when but I knew he might be my first true love I don't wanna lose,which I eventually did...

We texted on an app and got to know each other,eventually we switched to Instagram after a while of texting bc it was easier there,we liked talking to each other and were very curious about another and questioned each other out alot.

Eventually even fell inlove...a deep love...which was like a month or something after meeting each other, we fell heavily inlove with each other..I was a german/polish mix with ptsd and depression,he was a Japanese guy with autism and a heart condition.

I loved him unconditionally and I still do till now,we fought alot during our relationship even tho it was never my intention to do so,I felt terrible when we fought because I was always worried about his health and that he would leave me,but he didn't, he stayed even tho he had reasons to leave..

he was popular around where he lived which left me jealous,he thought it was cute even tho it was sort of annoying to handle.

I was the one who got bullied in her school and treated badly which left him worried..

We've been together for a while and I even met his best friend and other friends,even his sister
At first they were nice and his best friend became close to me,which changed dramatically...

I was close to his sister but that changed too.

I had 2 which didn't like me but I didn't like them either becuase they loved my boyfriend too. Yes they knew him for much longer but in the end he chose me so I didn't do anything wrong did I?

We've tried our best because it was an online/distance relationship,it wasn't easy since we've had most likely our downs...till today I give myself the fault for everything.

I was in school and he worked in a restaurant,I never cared about as what he works all I cared was his personality,
I love him unconditionally which hurts since I can't be with him.

We called everyday which was our way of spending time together,the negative side was I always had my camera on but he didn't, I was uncomfortable but I did it out of love for him.

I knew I was a bad girlfriend when he begged me to put on my camera eating something so he could eat since he had eating problems...but I didn't because I was uncomfortable to eat infront of others which was my problem...I knew I should have done it for him,no matter how uncomfortable I was I should have done it to help him,but I didn't..

I always tried to remind him of his medicine since he told me to remind him which I gladly did....I knew sometimes It was purely annoying for him and sometimes I forgot to remind him which gave him terrible pain...

knowing I forgot which caused him pain gave me pain in my heart aswell,sadness of his pain and guilt that I forgot crushed me...but that's not everything.

I tried my best to always remind him no matter what,sometimes when I reminded him he ignored me because it was probably just very annoying, when I noticed how annoying it was I stopped reminding him constantly and eventually he stopped taking his medication on his own...

He was often in hospital because of his condition which made me sad when I got hear that,most of the time his best friend told me when he went to hospital which made me sad and left me feel guilty about not telling him to take his medication..

Eventually his condition got better after a while,that's what I thought becuase they stopped telling me things which were also important to me since I was his girlfriend.