I have a dream I'm here to tell About a wonderful fantastic new hotel Yes, it's one of a kind Right here in Hell Catering to a specific clientele (ooh)
Inside of every demon is a rainbow Inside every sinner is a shiny smile Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac Is a jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child
We can turn around They'll be heaven-bound With just a little time down at the Happy Hotel
So all you junkies, freaks, and weirdos Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeros And downfallen superheroes, help is here
All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers And prescription drug abusers, need not fear
Forever again, we'll cure your sin We'll make you well, you'll feel so swell Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel
There'll be no more fire and no more screams Just puppy dog kisses and cotton candy dreams And puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like, wow! Once you check in with me
So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions Ancient Roman crucifixions end right here
All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies Frothing mouth is full of rabies, filled with cheer
You'll be complete, it'll be so neat Our service can't be beat You'll be on easy street, yes! Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel
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