One Summer Day (BWWM)

CHAPTER 33

*recommend playing You, Clouds, Rain by Heize ft. Shin Yong Jae, really helps set the mood for this chapter *

After that day, I haven't heard much from Roman. He called several times and texted but I decided not to answer. I was afraid of what he might say, afraid that I might give in easily. I've been thinking over the past couple of days about the decision I made. Was I being irrational? Our first ever argument and I was quick to break up with him. I know for one that's not how relationships works, if both parties are mature.

I think the reason I was so quick to break up with him instead of talking it out was because I was scared. I was scared that this relationship that just started didn't have a future. That maybe he asked me to be his girlfriend out of pity. Roman and I often had deep conversations, but the topics of past relationships never came up. We brushed on them but never delve into them.

I know what you're going to say, why are you letting a past relationship dictate how your current, or should I say past relationship, goes? Well that past relationship is one I thought would last forever. 

It was freshman year of high school when I first met him. He was nice church boy, and we started of as friends. I enjoyed being in his presence, as he did with mine. Everyone used to tell me that he liked me but I never believed it, I brushed it off because why would he like me? It wasn't after a couple of months when I confessed my feelings to him where he suddenly stopped talking with me. I didn't question it, he didn't like me back and I guess becoming friends again would make things awkward towards us. 

A year later I saw him and approached him again, just being friendly, and we started talking frequently again, and it was like we never stopped talking. I would tell him when I was having relationship problems and he would be always there to comfort me, not in a if he breaks your heart I can fix it for you way, but he was genuinely a friend I could go to if I needed advice on anything. 

I guess you could say my feelings were blossoming again. We didn't live near each other so we didn't get to see each other often, so when we did we never spent every moment together. It wasn't until a mutual friend of ours had a birthday dinner when I had seen him after 6 months were I realized I liked him again. I didn't directly say it but the way I acted definitely showed it. Deciding to be bold once again I confessed my feelings for him again and this time it was reciprocated. I felt like I was on cloud nine. For once I liked someone and they liked me back. We talked on the phone whenever we could. He would send music to me and I would listen to it. I absolutely adored him.  

For 6 months we continued talking with each other and another opportunity came where I could see him came and I was excited. Only to have my have my heart crushed the same day. A mutual friend was having a birthday party and we had both been invited. I put on my best outfit and patiently waited for his arrival, it was our mutual friend's birthday, but I was more excited to celebrate seeing him.

I can't say the same for him. He did talk to me but it was brief. I had to leave early because I had come with a ride and I work the next morning so I wanted to talk to him before I left. I begged my ride to wait 5 minutes, which turned to 10, which turned to 15 before I told my ride to just leave.

That night my heart broke into several pieces but a single tear didn't leave my eye. After I had left he decided to text me asking if I was okay and that I seemed down at the party I couldn't even respond without speaking in anger so I just remained neutral. Over the next following days he sent me a paragraph explain how and why he did what he did and told me if I didn't want to be friends anymore he would understand, naive little me said I was fine with being friends. Over the course of the week I would text him asking how he was doing only to not get a response. It wasn't until I went on instagram to find out I had been removed, blocked and had my number deleted from his phone. Anger, shock, hurt, and disappointment course through my veins that day. Why did he have the power to make me feel this way when I had told him I  wanted to still be friends with him after what he did, to have him strip it away from.