Dust Yourself Off

You get up everyday,

Dust yourself off,

And try to forget the battle you took on yesterday.

You prop toothpicks,

In your eyelids,

To help try to stay awake.

Addrenaline kicks in,

Your heart speeds up.

You begin to open all the tabs of your thoughts.

The pit hits your stomach,

And punches your gut.

Then the dread,

It makes you throw up.

Some days are worse than others,

But they all feel pathetic.

Lets just say,

If Death wanted to take me,

I would let it.

I dont "want" to die though,

Thats not what I'm saying.

I just have homicidal thoughts,

And suicidal tendencies.

Its all part of me,

That wakes up when im stressed out.

Its like the Devil leans in closer,

When he knows im in doubt.

He whispers sweet nothings to me,

He puts me in my place.

He reminds me I'm not worth it,

I'm just a waste of space.

I'm inconvient as fuck,

Nobody could love me.

If I'm meant to be alive,

Why's it so hard to breath?

He's got the lock and key,

He won't just let me be.

There's others too,

Like Depression and Anxiety.

There's Paranoia and Bipolar,

Borderline Personality, and ADHD Disorder.

To pile it on, I cant even eat.

For years I've been fighting Anorexia with weed.

They all work together.

They don't let me sleep.

Insomnia adds on,

To this crazy inside me.

I wish for a sign,

That it's gonna be alright.

It's not as bad as it seems,

I can win this fight.