Shitty booze, an uncomfortable seat, and smoke filling the air around him. A bottle of the shittiest beer in hand. Blitzø felt at home, miserable and drunk. He had the thought to go to a bar he frequently went to because how short a drive it was from his apartment.
Despite Josie's Bar being its usual loud and energetic self, he wasn't as euphoric as the other imps partying it up drunk and happy. Resting his head against his hand while calmly sipping his beer, Blitzø just stared at the nearby wall with a dull look on his face. His thoughts turned back to what happened earlier. This wasn't the first time his mind was plague with nightmares and the voices that didn't leave him alone. He fucked up with Fizz, Barb, Verosika, and now it's Stolas.
"Everyone left you. Even the people who loved you couldn't wait to get away from you. Can you not see how you're the problem?"
He didn't respond.
"Ah, so you do know that you're a failure! You hurt everyone in your life when they don't compare to your picture-perfect expectations!"
some disfigured, too breathy bubbly of words, like talking underwater.
"Nobody loves you, nobody will ever love you because you can't stand being loved, can't stand to be hurt again so scared how you'll fuck it up."
His claws dug into the counter.
"You are a selfish piece of shit, you finally had a good thing going with that bird boy and once again you messed everything up, in pain and what do you do. shameful little embarrassment like you. Ran away again pathetic!"
Drunk more than he's sober. He Desperately tries ignoring the voice. Hand wrapped around the bottle he was holding, pulling it up to his lips and tipping it back. He gulped down the it's contents. Far too soon, the bottle had been emptied. He threw the bottle behind him which hit another imp causing a series of events that caused him to run into waitress with a bunch of drinks to spill on a unfortunate imp just lighting a cigarette to catch on fire and ran out of the bar screaming stop drop and roll.
Fuckin... four of five bottles of beer, if he remembered right. He wished he had more. It was never enough.
"Bring me another some...something stronger this time."
"Sure," The bartender replied before heading off to the back. Blitzsighed and glared that the counter. The paint was peeling away showing off the wood. He turned to look around and see who else was there. There were a few imps playing pool, a group playing cards and basically nothing else. He turned back when the bartender handed him a bottle of Mas Lala. He nodded to him and paid for the bottle before looking around the bar again. he popped the top off and took a deep sip of it. His throat burned as the liquid raced down it. Though at first it was very unpleasant after a third sip he felt fine and it started to taste very good.
After the events at Ozzie's blitz knows for a fact that Stolas is ashamed of him. Why else would he refuse to bring attention to himself when Blitzø was being humiliated and then hide his face when confronted with his own actions.
A drop of water rolls down his cheek, then another, before he realizes he's crying. He should be used to abandonment by now so why...
Why does it hurt so bad?
He remembers the first day he met Stolas, when he spent the day with him. He remembers meeting him again over 20 years later for the book. He remembers how surprised he was when he learned that Stolas was a father, and a good one. He remembers...
He recalls how he pushed Stolas away after the night at Ozzies. How, even if Stolas just wanted to fuck him, he rejected him time and time again.
YOU ARE READING
A Burning Desire ( helluva boss x oc)
FanfictionBlitzo's been suffering from nightmares that have been making him think he's not good enough for stolas. Fed up with his constant nightmares and delusions he goes out to take his mind off things that lead him to a bar and meeting that will change th...
