In the end it's us

Dad.

Today was a very sad day in many many peoples lives. My dad, Kim Jungwoo had passed away and we were saying goodbye to him. He was known and loved by everyone. Especially by me. He was my mentor, savior, best friend and well of course my dad. He made sure I was never left to be on my own and kept me company. As my worked night shifts at the hospital as a nurse he would have me do my homework at his store until he closed up and then we would go have fried chicken and talk about our future plans. But now those nights are just memories I will tell my kids about when they ask about grandpa. 

"Soo'ah it's time to leave now." My mom came to get me. The memorial service was over. We walked out and got into a cab, mom started crying. I did too. 

Mom worked day and night at the hospital leaving me alone at home. The fridge was empty and I never got a chance to ask for money to go buy food. I ate some cold rice and seaweed that I found, watched tv, did my homework and realized. I was on my own. I felt sorry, because I promised dad I would never be on my own again and if I was I would go to him... but that wasn't something I was able to do anymore. 

I went to his closed, empty and dark store after school. I sat in there and studied, listened to some music and then after a while fell asleep. Woke up in the morning and ate some snacks that he had left behind, brushed my teeth and changed once I got home. Went back to the store and just sat there listening to music skipping school. I read some notes of his. It was most interesting book I've ever read in my life. I went home, ate some cold rice with kimchi. Drank the last bit of our water. Texted mom to leave some cash on the counter as she gets home from work so I can buy groceries. I then went to bed. 

Mom was sick so she had to stay home, I went to school and after bought her medicine and some soup. When I got home she was asleep so I put the soup on the stove to stay warm and left a note telling her to eat the soup and take the medicine. I myself left to go to dad's store and study there. A girl was outside, she read the sign left outside and then just walked off. She looked a little familiar. I just focused on my studies again. And once again I had fallen asleep. 

The decision I had just made was weird. It felt weird. Mom didn't even care, she was too busy with work to do so. I was in dad's store but this time I was cleaning it up putting new CDs and albums etc. in the shelves. I dropped out of school and opened dad's store again. I accepted that I was on my own now but it didn't mean my dad was fully gone because a part of him and the memories and love he had shared will always live on and I will make sure they will. 

A lot of people came by especially young girls excited about some new Exo album. Some older women were looking for ballad CDs. But that girl who came by the store a couple months back was in my mind. And how I felt like I knew her in one way or another. 

When I closed up the store, I stayed and slept there. It was my home now. Upstairs where he used to nap and have his lunch break. Mom wasn't happy that I didn't stay living with her but I worked long shifts and also I felt closer to dad and not so lonely when I was at the store. I felt bad for mom but she barely even came home and when she did she just slept there and maybe ate dinner with me.  

The girl I was always thinking about was standing Infront of me holding a Tvxq album asking if it was also in sale. I told her it unfortunately  wasn't but she still wanted to buy it. Then she said something that made my heart shatter. "Where is he? The store owner?" what was I supposed to say? I had no clue. I thought for a moment. "Oh well I am his son and well he passed away a year ago." She looked shocked. She mentioned that she was a regular but last year she moved away to go live with her grandparents for a while. Now she was back. But she was a regular. Which I was very moved by. Knowing my dad had probably mentioned her as he always talked about his regulars. I could've even seen her at the store when I was over studying and that's why she looked familiar. I thanked her and asked her to come by for coffee the next day so we could talk. She agreed and left after buying that album. I then went upstairs as it was closing time. And started listening to the album she had bought. It was amazing. 

Dad probably would've hated it. 

W/n: haven't written in a long long time but felt like writing tonight. Grammar might be very bad bc english isn't first or second language so yeah...