In Heat - Jenlisa

Chapter 32 - Devotion

Lisa has experienced a paradigm shift, sitting on a bed that does not belong to her, struggling to accept the fact that Jennie—the living, breathing, real Jennie Kim—actually believes herself to be in love. With Lisa.

Which makes no fucking sense. She knows her role in life. She knows how things are supposed to go. The moment she presented as submissive, Lisa knew she would serve as a glorified broodmare for the most powerful dominant wolf her mother could get her hands on. That is her lot in life. No one, not even Jennie, can change the tides of fate.

The idea of taking a mate who actually loves her, someone her mother would never consider for her, just hadn't been a sincere possibility. It was a daydream. A wish, for whenever things became too much. In reality, her mother would slaughter her if she had even a hint of a clue of how close Lisa is to ruining the plan.

If she goes along with this bout of insanity on Jennie's part and agrees to be courted, she may lose her home pack for good. It would mean the end of whatever ties she'd maintained in hopes of one day earning her parents' acceptance. Love was too much to ask, but she'd hoped that they'd at least be content with her someday.

If Lisa jumps, she would have nobody to catch her besides Jennie, who very well could decide at some point in the future that lifelong monogamy isn't sustainable. Jennie isn't a wolf like she is; even after they bonded, she could move on from Lisa if she so chose. Really, Lisa would be the one taking on all the risk here.

She could still do it anyway.

Lisa comes to terms with all of these realizations at once in a rare moment of clarity, and for some reason, the thought that pushes through the spinning frenzy of her awareness is shit, but what courting traditions do the Kim follow?

Something must show on her face, some sign that she's experienced a shift of the soul because Jennie's eyes widen, and suddenly, Lisa cannot bear to meet her gaze.

Lisa loves her. She loves her so completely, even Jennie's displeasure sounds like a song.

It occurs to Lisa that she's shaking, possibly on the edge of a complete meltdown, and that Jennie has been talking to her for at least the last minute.

"Puppy." Jennie's voice finally reaches her. "Eyes on me."

Lisa's gaze snaps up.

"Good girl," Jennie breathes. She looks unsettled, but in the way that a thief is unsettled breaking into a poor person's house. Worried, Lisa thinks. She's worried.

"Listen to me, Lisa. I need you to hear what I am about to say."

Lisa nods, attention fully and entirely devoted to whatever is about to come out of her mouth. Jennie seems to know it, too, since her face briefly softens before falling back into lilted solemnity.

"You never need to lie to me," Jennie tells her. "There is nothing on earth you should fear to the point of not giving me your truth."

She reaches up, delicate fingertips tracing the shape of Lisa's jaw.

"You do not need to protect me. I will protect us," she vows.

Her touch migrates to Lisa's temples, fingers tucking Lisa's hair behind her ear.

"You do not need to spare my feelings. My heart already belongs to you, and it is your prerogative to do with it what you will."

Lisa's eyes flutter open, and she feels warm and dazed and seen as Jennie continues,

"But Lisa—do not lie to me. Never you," she insists, voice wavering ever so slightly as to be nearly unnoticeable. "I could not bear it."

Lisa, being who she is, reacts to this statement by immediately bursting into tears.

"M'sorry, Jennie," she warbles. "Won't lie to you again."

Jennie grants her a small, fragile smile as she brushes the tears from Lisa's cheeks.

"I know you won't. You're my good girl, aren't you, Puppy?"

Since words won't ever suffice, all Lisa can do is nod her agreement.

***

Jennie finds herself obsessing about a variety of things on a regular basis, but none moreso than Lisa Manobal.

She often catches herself observing how Lisa writes, which shoes she chooses to wear, what nesting materials make her eyes sparkle when she smiles. At least once a week, like clockwork, Jennie is consumed with uncovering the origin of whatever song Lisa happens to be humming under her breath.

Most of all, she dedicates time each day to worrying if Lisa is happy, if she'd be better off with someone who could give her what Jennie cannot. No matter how much she studies, Jennie will never be able to replicate the feeling of being with a true dominant wolf. In some ways, she's already failed.

Dominant wolves don't concern themselves with every detail of their submissive's day like she does. They don't become paralyzed with fear at the thought of Lisa returning home alone to be thrown to the wolves, so to speak, without a shield. They aren't haunted by memories of hearing Lisa cry herself to sleep every full moon prior to her first transformation.

Even before Jennie understood what her feelings meant, she'd been twisted with rage knowing that Lisa was hurting and there was nothing she could do to correct it. She'd lie awake at night plotting ways to whisk Lisa far away from the influence of her parents—if those people even deserve to be referred to as such—and allowing the Kim to show Lisa what a family should be.

Realizing that she is in love with Lisa hadn't suffocated the fire, not even a little bit. Not even at all.

She wants to spoil Lisa like she wants to continue breathing, but most of all, Jennie desires Lisa to know that she will always have an ally in her. No matter the circumstances, no matter the cost, Jennie will be behind her, feet planted and ready for war.

Given all of that, the runes she's chosen and will soon adorn Lisa's body with make an astonishing amount of sense.

While wolves may court with offerings and displays of devotion, Jennie's kin do things differently. Her kind prove their devotion, mark their skin with the inner workings of their hearts. Now more than ever, as she catches the tears painting her pet's pretty face while Lisa stares up at her with an expression so honest it aches, Jennie is secure in her choices:

Illumination, the reversed form of Inhibition, and Satisfaction.

--

A/N: so rune sex is still incoming