fine line

𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

Why did you leave me? The words echo around inside of Louis' head as he tries to make sense of them. His brain is fuzzy and disorganized. He's not sure what to say.

"When?" he whispers finally, but there's only one answer to that question, and they both know it.

"On the X-Factor," Harry says anyway. Louis takes a shaky breath. He's not sure he can do this. Either he's right and Harry's just as horrible as he thought, or he's wrong and he's been pushing away this amazing person for five years.

"I had to. There was-"

"Family stuff, yeah, I know," Harry interrupts, rolling his eyes as he runs his free hand through his hair.

Louis shakes his head, desperate now to tell Harry the truth. It seems like he genuinely doesn't know. "No. It wasn't family stuff. And it wasn't my decision."

Harry's eyes narrow, but he looks more confused than anything. "You weren't eliminated, though," he says slowly. Louis can practically see the gears turning in his head as he tries to solve the puzzle. Louis doesn't keep him waiting.

"They found out I'm gay," Louis says bluntly. He feels relieved afterwards, like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Harry looks like a living, breathing version of the shocked emoji: wide eyes, gaping mouth.

"It was really great," Louis continues sarcastically. He can feel himself starting to ramble, but he can't stop it. "Yeah, this woman come to my cabin, dragged me to Cowell's office. He had a nice chat with me about how me being on the show could make other contestants 'uncomfortable' and all but kicked me off. While making me feel absolute shit about myself, of course. And all I could think was..."

He trails off, voice softening as he stares at a spot on Harry's pristine marble countertop. "All I could think was, the only person I'd told was you."

He can't meet Harry's eyes. Doesn't want to see the betrayal in them.

"So you thought-" Harry has to stop when his voice cracks. He clears his throat and starts again, but he sounds small and slightly broken. There's also an undeniable bit of anger in his words. "You thought I told them?"

Louis shrugs, feeling stupid. "Is that really hard to believe?" He finds the courage to look up. He hopes Harry won't answer his question. Doesn't really want to know.

Harry's blinking back tears, fidgeting with the long sleeves of his jumper. His tea is long forgotten on the countertop. Louis realizes his own is still in his hands, but he hasn't taken a sip past the first few.

"Louis, I was in love with you. How could you think I'd do something like that?"

Louis is relieved that Harry isn't a monster, but he feels overwhelming guilt at being wrong this whole time. But above all that, a single word is echoing around his head: was.

He doesn't expect Harry to still have feelings for him, especially after he's thought for the past five years that Louis left him and then made his life miserable. In fact, now that Louis thinks about it, he's been a massive arsehole. Honestly, if he were Harry, he'd hate him too.

He's not even sure if he still has feelings for Harry. A small, traitorous part of him, somewhere deep in his chest, screams LIAR, but he ignores it.

"I'm sorry," Louis says eventually. "I guess I...jumped to a conclusion. I just didn't see any other option."

Harry nods slowly. "I'm sorry I blamed you for leaving. I probably would've done the same."

Louis meets Harry's eyes, and he sees his own guilt mirrored in them. That's not fair. Harry doesn't deserve to feel guilty. He wasn't the one who wouldn't let it go, who pranked his ex, who...