Unrequited and unconditional

Vern Chapter one

As I was sitting in the parlor of my house my corset still tied onto my waist as it was hard to sit down to read. I wanted to take it off but of course we had company and and I knew the family quite well, I just hated their son or child really I couldn't tell what they we're if they were a boy or girl, but I don't think that matters unless the parents love him. I knew him from my dad's work I always visited and god did I hate him. He was always so sarcastic and sassy for no reason not to mention his voice it makes me sick just think about it but even the mention of his name my stomach twists. I always ranted to my friend Lana who I saw quite frequently and she always asked
"if you hate him so much why do you keep talking about him?"
"The same reason you still talk about your ex boyfriend behind his back."
"I said rolling my eyes at my friend. Well I have to go I'll see you later okay?"
I said seeing Lana out of the front door.

It's not fair how he gets things I mean he kind of looks nice. Wait no what am I thinking he is a rival to me. Why am I thinking these things? Why is he always in the back of my mind. Wait I can hear my father calling me downstairs probably to yell at me for no reason. But not this time apparently i didn't do the dishes

"Father I'm sorry. I thought I did-"
he cut me off with a hard slap he was drunk. No no. I know what's going to happen.
The next thing I knew I was thrown into my room and the door slammed shut I looked into a mirror with a dimly lit candle seeing my swollen lip, my broken nose, and my black eye. I was beaten again but it's better than last time.
I just hope on my next birthday I get to walk out of his house finally I turn 18 in a month.
And when I do I'm packing my stuff and going back to London to live my life and hopefully find someone whom I will love and possibly marry.
My sister Elizabeth and I don't want to live in this house and we don't want to stay until were 18 especially, I have to wait another year and she has to wait 5 being our age difference is 17 and 12.
So she will have to wait longer than me and I don't want to put her through the years of abuse I had to go through.

"God why does making decisions have to be so freaking hard."
I spoke to myself hoping nobody heard me until I opened the door. I could see my mother there confused, and concerned
"who were you talking to?" She said confused as if I was talking to someone "nobody" I chimed in" just myself" My mother was always like this curious about other people's lives and business, so it was no surprise when she went through my room thinking I had something to hide, she's just protective over me and I still just do not get why.
It always confused me why she used her tactics the way she did, maybe because I'm her oldest daughter, even though I'm positive I'm not just a daughter but something more? I'm still not sure in all honesty. But I guess I'll never know.
I decided maybe I should try and write something in my journal that my grandmother gave me on my 16th birthday, that I never really used but doesn't mean I couldn't try.
But first I had to change into something more comfortable.
I grabbed my usual pajamas and wore those around the house.
I'm not sure what those pajamas are called since my memory has been getting worse but nonetheless I still remember something's.
I really need to stop ranting in my head about stuff it's not good for me when I push things that matter out.