Gnaw

2

Author's note: Unedited,  a bit of a filler

I did not know how to feel, waves of different emotions washed over me.

"Are you going to answer?" Allie said softly, stabbing a pancake piece before bringing it up to her mouth and chewing it.

I nodded anxiously, grabbing the phone. When I heard my voicemail, I understood why everyone gets upset when I don't pick up.

I don't think calls are that important, or people are wise enough to know that I am not one to call in an emergency. So, as I pressed my finger across the screen I couldn't help but grimace a bit before putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I uttered.

"Hello, there." A bone chilling, deep voice spoke back. I felt a bit flustered, I felt stupid for losing my phone. Their voice felt electrifying close to my ear. Their voice echoed in my brain, bouncing off of it- as if I was savoring it.

I stuttered, losing myself a bit, trying to find the right words after him repeating the greeting. "Sorry, I am here, I lost my phone last night at a frat," I glanced at Allie, trying to find confidence, "is there a time I can pick it up that is convenient for you?"

"I apologize, when I saw you drop it and by the time I picked it up for you, I lost you within the crowd," he said smoothly. I take a breath. My heart was pumping, I should've chosen water, the bites of food in my stomach didn't sit correctly. The stupidity settled, awkwardness holding me as he kept speaking.

"My schedule is pretty free today, can I give you my address?" he questioned.

"Sounds perfect, I appreciate it a lot. May I get a name?" I asked.

"Desmond."

Desmond.

"Alright, well my name is Valeria. It is nice talking to you, Desmond, see you soon."

It was awkward, I definitely made it awkward. It was something about it, this situation. Something about his name, his voice, something made me ache. On my body, in my body, everywhere. My body felt full, once I put the phone down, sliding it towards Allie, there was something missing.

It felt like a double edged sword on my bare hands, the phone ringing to life with a notification, it made the feeling swell. I took a small glance at my hand, as if it was going to draw blood from the interaction.

This hangover was awful.

I exhale softly before filling my cheeks with air, thinking. Allie was more interested in not letting her food get cold. Once I found the confidence, I mentally prepared myself to ask her for another favor.

"Allie, would you mind taking me to get my phone? Just for safety." I say in a cool tone.

I hate to ask this question, especially with her driving us here already. It makes me feel a bit guilty to ask for a ride- from anyone. It feels like my brain turns into a balloon that has too much air in it, asking for a ride, a bit of shame inside as well. It either takes it away or makes me want to pop, it rings in my ears to ask.

Being nineteen, almost twenty, with no car is humiliating in the least. I have a license, I have a job, yet no car. I didn't wake up to a driver's test when I turned sixteen and came home to a brand new car- I applied for jobs when I turned sixteen. I had the midas touch, everything I touched turned into my expense.

It aches to see someone contemplate about it, their eyes telling a different story than their words. I wished for them to pierce me with the no, to move on, so I don't see the pity or weighing it in their head too much. I usually use public transit, or walk. I don't mind walking, the weather didn't dampen me, but for things like this, going to see a complete stranger, I was nervous.