Handgun

Chapter One

I STARE at my reflection in the stained bathroom mirror, attempting to calm my thoughts. I focus on the splatters of makeup dotted on the mirror to distract myself, contour, lipstick, concealer and... okay I'm done with that game. My mind d r i f t s
to girls talking in cubicles, squealing and giggling at something. I can see about four feet under the stall. My head starts pounding from the noise and at this point the bathroom felt more stuffy than the classroom was. I felt as though the roof was collapsing and the walls were closing in and I only had two hands to hold the place together as the room gets smaller, tighter, it compacts more and more until I'm squished between it all, unable to breath, to move, to speak, just forced to watch. Watch and wait, wait for someone to realise I was gone, wait for someone to come looking, someone will come looking right?

But the truth was they probably wouldn't. Within this building I was nothing more than a girl with a traumatic past.

I grab my things, my phone and headphones, off of the sink and shove them in the pocket of my hoodie. As I'm walking back to class I'm met with Nathan Carr.

"Going to History?" He smirks the same crooked grin knowing he's headed the same way. He had a fresh scar across his face and his bag was slung over one shoulder flailing around as he walked.

"No, I actually have Chem and you've just been imagining me in your class for the last semester and a half." I try to loose him by walking in a different pace but each time he matches my own.

We both enter the classroom and are greeted with Mrs.Morrisseys perky voice, "Nathan, Maddison, nice of you both to join us. Sit." She demands which we both do sitting at quite opposite sides of the classroom.

Mrs. Morrissey's monotonous voice continues to float around the room,still directed at Nathan and myself. "Since you two decided to come in late,you'll be paired for the project that you've missed the whole debrief of." She sighs loudly. "So I guess I'll have to repeat myself, in your pairs you will work together to make a physical project on a historical event. I do not care what event as long as we learn something from this project please. It's due a month from now. All work will be done in your own free time as I am not cutting into my own lesson time for you to do arts and crafts."

I turn to look at Nathan and see him not paying attention but instead chuckling with his friend as the pass notes to each other. However Mrs. Morrisey doesn't pay them any attention and continues to talk about the American Revolution which we have learned about every single year, so much I could probably recite the declaration of independence right now.

I start to doodle on my hand to pass the time, it was the second last class of the day and I couldn't wait to get home.

The bell rang to signal the end of class and I walk up to Nathan before he packs up. I get a strange look from his friend which Nathan eventually shoos off.

"What's going to happen with the project?" I ask him knowing he won't take it seriously. This was Nathan Carr we are taking about, this man hasn't taken a single thing seriously.

"I'm free to go to yours today after school." He shrugs

"Yeah that should be fine." I agree and text my mom to make sure. "I'll meet you outside after school." We both part ways without another word, my last class was Spanish which I wasn't too upset about but I knew Mr. Rodriguez would be full of energy even after 7 hours of work.

I sit in Spanish watching the seconds hand on the clock spin in circles. 7, 8, 9, 10. Counting down the time until I'm sent home. 11, 12, 13, 14.
My mind d r i f t s
                                          May 29th 2022- I was sitting in this is exact class when Mr Rodriguez's class got interrupted by the school secretary, Mrs. Brano, requesting for me to pack my stuff and follow her to the office immediately. I try to find out what's happening, I ask a multitude of questions as we walk the corridors,

I felt as though the roof was collapsing and the walls were closing in and I only had two hands to hold the place together as the room gets smaller, tighter, it compacts more and more until I'm squished between it all,

she did not answer my questions. She kept walking, the halls quiet other than the faint sounds of teachers in classrooms and Mrs Brano's knock off gucci leather heels clicking and clacking on the tiled floor. She opens the door to the office and I see my mom and dad sitting there, my mom is crying as my dad holds her in his arms.

I stand in the door unable to move. I found it heartbreaking to see my mother and father in such a state and I didn't know what to say, so I sat,
and I waited for someone to say it to me instead, which eventually my father did, "you'r brother...your brother is dead." He had only said four words and yet I felt my whole world collapse, suddenly I was thankful my earlier questions weren't answered and I wish these ones hadn't been either, I couldn't believe it when they told me he had found a gun and shot himself that afternoon, I didn't believe it. As they brought me home I was half expecting him to get into the car too, but instead we collected my two younger siblings and drove home.

I couldn't bare the car ride home, the quiet sobs people were trying to hold back but were failing, my parents faces as they tried to stay strong for us. I also felt as though I couldn't cry, like I had to be strong for Ella and Lucas, my two younger siblings, at the time Ella was only 8 and Lucas 10. I was 16, Adam would've been 18. A week and a half after his birthday actually.

d i n g d i n g d i n g
The bell rang to signify the end of the day and snapped me out of my flashback, I hadn't gathered a single thing from that class, but I was good at Spanish so I knew I'd be able to catch up later, for now I made my way out to the front of the school, out to Nathan Carr.