Riparian

Aven I

I hadn't touched the river. Not once. I didn't have much of a reason not to, but I just felt it wrong, as if it would soil something sacred. I would only stare out at the limited, rippling surface of the bluish-gray river and think. I would think sad, somber thoughts (with the occasional celebration) about what made me run here. It was almost always my father's rage.

He wouldn't drink a drop, which in a way hurt even more--he knew exactly what he was doing. His head was clear and all that mattered was that we suffered because we dropped a plate or bumped into him or something of the sort. I didn't think he understood what kind of lasting damage that was causing us.

My mother was in the worst condition, worsening daily. Her hair was stringy, thin, and almost completely gray even though she was only in her forties. It fell around thin pale bones for shoulders; she sometimes couldn't bring herself to eat. There were days I persuaded her to eat something before she keeled over from malnutrition. Her eyes had dark red circles around them; she usually acquired three to five hours of sleep each night because of work--or simply because she couldn't climb in bed with him and she ended up on the couch in tears.

My mother's condition because of my father--she made excuses, but it was ultimately because of him--disappointed me. She didn't deserve to be treated that way; she wouldn't have hurt a fly or even a wasp, stinger or no stinger. She was beautiful when they first were married, based on pictures, but that was gone soon after. She appeared as a pitiful thing of beauty, a stepped-on butterfly, a polluted ocean. It broke my heart.

It broke my heart, so I came here. Here, to this riverside space between the trees, a few miles from the dreaded ramshackle place where I lived. I used to feel terrible about leaving my mother behind to deteriorate back home and even considered bringing her here a few times, but I just couldn't bring myself to share it. I soon formulated excuses for why it was okay to leave her there: It'll only be for a little while. He seems placid today. We just ate; that makes it all okay. They made me feel like a pathetic shell of a man, but with a father like mine, what was I destined to become, anyway?

I stooped to pick up a pebble a little larger than my thumb. This is for the crushed dreams. I gave it a hard toss into the river and picked up another one. This is for the bruised limbs. A harder toss. This is for rendering me fatherless. A throw coated in fury. And then, one after the other until I was screaming--screaming at my mother for not eating, screaming at my father for causing her anguish, screaming at the world for turning its nose up to us. Sometimes my pebble didn't even reach the river; it would swerve to one side, missing it completely. I kept screaming, though, until my throat went raw, and I felt hot tears on my face. Like I deserved to cry. I'd left my mom at home; I was a coward.

This much emotion hadn't come out of me in weeks; occasionally I would just burst like this. Then I would cry harder because I knew I wasn't heading anywhere special; I'd have failed to have defended my mother, a true lady. A thin, bony shell of a true lady, but I knew she was still in there. I loved her to pieces--I wanted her out of there, but what then? I could've taken care of myself alright as an 18-year-old--although I wouldn't have done the best job--but not her. She had needs; she was a woman.

My throat raw, my red eyes a little sore, I gathered myself before walking away from my riparian haven and driving home.

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Author's Note

Wow! These chapters will definitely get longer, but until then, I apologize for the length! These are already written, with a few minor tweaks here and there. I must say, the format of Wattpad is much different from the format of iOS Notes! ~_^

But, so far, what did you think? I am actually pretty disappointed that this is such a short chapter, and I do know that they only get longer as the story progresses as I do have a few already whipped up for you! After that, I will try to publish a new chapter routinely. How about every Tuesday? I will try to get something to you every Tuesday, but sometimes a chapter takes me weeks, so I apologize ahead of time! If there's one thing I'm bad at, it's routine! @.@

Well, the next chapter shall be published soon! Until then, thanks for reading!

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