'05

Before-Show-Jitters

[ THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FAN FICTION BUT I SHORTENED IT TO A ONESHOT, SORRY!! :(( ]

--

"Fuck, fuck." i groaned, pacing around like the nervous fuck I am. Before shows, I'm usually pretty tense and scared - of course - when I'm sober. It's my anxiety that many people don't know about, expect, obviously, people who know me on a personal level. I'm not always that crazy, energetic asshole people see on stage.

Shavo, on the other hand, was jumping around like some fucking sort of dumbass maniac (which he is one, of course, in a loving and kind way), and John was talking with Sako (the drum tech and a high school friend) in another room.

And Serj.. Serj was near me doing his stupid hippie "meditations". Not sure if it's even a meditation, that's just what he calls it.

All he's really doing is closing his eyes and standing there. I do occasionally meditate too, so I probably shouldn't be talking. If that's what calms him down, that's fine. Not trying to disrespect a good.. friend.. of mine. Though I wish he seen me as more sometimes. It's difficult.

"Hey, Daron." a calm Serj spoke, snapping me back to reality. He grabs my arm causing me to stop walking around. I raised my eyebrow to show confusion.

"Uhm, what?" i look at him. His eyes open and he just stares at me. Awkwardly. I don't want to say how that made me feel.

"Remember that thing I taught you?" he turns my body towards him, setting his hands on my shoulders.

"You have taught me several things, Serj." i lean in closer, giggling.

"Seriously, Daron." he shook me slightly, making me return to my original position.

"Okayyyy," i dragged out. "... are you talking about your stupid little meditation thing?"

"Yes, but it's not stupid. I know you expect your bong to help your anxiety but you can't always rely on it." Serj mumbled in a lower tone.

"Hey! I don't always fucking rely on that thing! I'm not a junkie you ass!" my eyes widen, eyebrows raising. "But it does help." i say under my breath, shrugging.

"You're a stoner." he shrugs back.

Just as I was about to spit back, he mutters: "Shh. Close your eyes, Daron." Serj's hands slithered down to my wrists, gripping them almost too rough - to the point where it could leave bruises.

"Damn, how am I supposed to fucking focus when you're basically on the verge of breakin' my wrists?" i roll my eyes, complying afterwards, shutting my eyes. I wasn't very sure if his eyes were shut too. I hope they were.

"Inhale." the taller 'demanded'.

I inhaled.

"Hold your breath."

I held my breath.

It was pretty quiet - which was quite soothing, actually, but Shavo was fucking ruining the whole entire fucking vibe because of his bouncing around. "Woo, woo!" Shavo screams. I can't help but let out a tiny laugh.

"Good, Daron, good." he technically praises. "Just keep on going, Daron. Just like that." my friend whispers.

I choked on seemingly nothing because of what he had just said. Fuck. I really needa get my head out of the fucking gutter. He obviously didn't mean it in a weird way you sick fuck!

I feel my face turn warm.

Fuck, I'm blushing.

"Well, you can open your eyes since you ruined it."

And so I did. I realized his eyes were open. So he was just creepily staring at me!

"It's not my fault. I just.. had to breathe, o-okay?" obviously that was a lie.

"N'.. It d-doesn't matter. I'm already calm. Thank you." i sighed.

He let go of my wrist, making me feel really relieved. I'm sure his grip will leave a mark.

I'm not sure if Serj's little meditation session helped me or not, but I feel a tad bit calmer.

"Yo, guys. You have 1 minute until y'all are on."

All of a sudden, that stress came back.

I sighed and glared over at Serj, who was staring at me with a tiny smile.

"You wanna try again?" read his lips.