From unknown to unknown- Mixte 1963

Chapter 12-declaration

For the rest of the break, Descamps didn't come to her. There were no late meetings, no secret inscriptions on discarded pieces of paper, and no messages conveyed through strange means, like usual. It was radio silent, and the longer the silence played, the more she felt alone. 

Her mother called her back to Earth. Edith was playing with her food and hadn't even noticed. 

"Seriously, what is happening to you? You've been dreaming in plain daylight, and you haven't picked up a book in days!" her mother informed. Edith could see the worry create new wrinkles under her eyes. That was not how she wanted her mom to see her. She put a small smile on her lips that couldn't stretch her face and shook her head slightly. "I'm just not that hungry, I am going to go up to my bedroom. " 

"Edith Harriet Petit! Sit your ass back down, now!" Edith, flabbergasted, sat down with wide eyes. Her mom never shouted. She lay down, and let her do whatever she wanted, thinking she had to make mistakes on her own to learn. Never had she seen her that furious. 

"Darling, you haven't eaten a full meal since that boy brought you back! You will finish this meal before my very eyes, and tell me what is troubling, or I swear my name is not Grace anymore! " she shouted. 

Edith let out a sigh and acknowledged that her mom was right. She picked up her fork, turned it on her plate, and brought the portions of spaghetti to her mouth. She swallowed two more before voicing out what she had been ruminating about. 

"Mom, has father ever not talked to you for a very long time before you were married? Like, no contact at all? Do-do all boys do that? " she hesitantly asked, displeased with how timid her voice came out. 

Her mom dropped her cup of tea and smiled. " So this is related to a boy. I didn't think a time would come when you would drop your book long enough to fall in love. "

"I am not in love, " she countered. She wasn't really, she didn't know what love truly was. 

" Well then, since you have no feelings for him, you should not communicate with him too, " she easily said. "He made it easy for you, you won't have to tell him to stop contacting him."

"I didn't say I didn't have any feelings for him either, " she murmured. 

Edith didn't even know what she wanted, what she truly desired. The silence lasted long enough to make Edith feel uneasy in her chair. 

"Edith, I'm always going to be on your side, but sweetheart, have you stopped to consider that you may be the issue?  You cannot ask something of someone when you don't even know what you want from them," she joked. 

Edith considered her mother's words. Descamps has always been straightforward in what he wanted, while she had kept playing around the bushes. She just accepted the placid contract that had formed around them after weeks of being close. But it wasn't enough for him anymore, he didn't want anything to be cloudy anymore. 

And yet, his next reaction had been to cut contact. 

"Then, how do I know if it's love? " she questioned. Schoolwork was so much easier than feelings. 2+2=4, the formula will always work, what you see is what you get. That was clear. But you can love someone as a friend, as a family member, as a platonic soulmate. And love changes, it mutes and varies and differs from what it was at the beginning. 

" You don't. No from afar. You look at them and you ... you know. " 

"How can you,  but you don't, yet you still do? Mama, not to offend you,  but that's impossible. You know or you don't that's it. And I don't know. "

"Love is not all white or black, you need some gray in there. " Her mother took the plates and went to wash them in the sink. 

He had decided to cut contact, but she hadn't agreed. She didn't need for him to take the first step anyway. "I'm going out for a bit, " she informed her mother.