The Red Fox

It Won't Stop

My heart has been in so much pain lately... it's really unfortunate almost planning your whole life around something just for it to get snatched away from you. I haven't said much about what happened the last year... but it's been so hard. I lost someone I thought would be around for a long time. She's happy and healthy. Just not together anymore.
It's hard to trust. I can't even trust the way I look at the person I love now.. is it love.? Is he just to pass the time.? Will he stay.? No one does. Not even my friends. Something is wrong. Is it with me.? I'm not sure. I need help. But from who..? I don't know what's real anymore, and I don't know what to do.
I scroll endlessly on social media looking for some type of joy even if it's not genuine. Anything to keep my mind off of my failures and the thoughts inside my head. I work, and work, something I thought I use to do for you ,but I now do for me.
I rewatch shows that use to bring me joy just to see if it's still there, sometimes it is. But remembering what happiness feels like makes me sad, so I cry, and turn it off.
Music can be a form of escape. But it doesn't seem to take me very far. Because I always come back to this heavy heart.
Get over it, move on, things will get better, it will be okay, there's plenty of fish in the sea, focus on you you'll see.................
I am moving on.. but I am not over it, it's not okay, there are plenty of fish but at this point I don't want to keep wasting my bait. Focus on you you'll see.... But everyone took everything from me....

So if you wanna know if I'm doing okay.... No. I am not. But maybe one day, I will.