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" To my sweet sun babies,
I love you. I want that to be the first thing you hear when you finally hear me read this letter aloud. I want you to read this letter with me by your sides, listening to my voice as I tell you both how loved you are.
My sweet little sun babies, I love you more than words can describe, I admit, I never thought of having you both. I am young, so young and so tender in heart, yet my heart is big enough to hold the two of you. I have no regrets, no resentment. You are not a burden I force myself to carry, you both are wanted and loved.
I was so scared when I found out I was carrying you both in my belly because I worried I wasn't who you guys needed. You guys are so small, so delicate and I worried I would not be right. I am sixteen, afraid of a society that still hates people like me, afraid of raising two babies who will be hated and hunted. I, however, promise you guys will never be hated for as long as I am in your lives. I promise you guys will never have to run, because your mama will always be by your side willing to fight a war for you both.
Oh my darling sun babies, how I have fallen so in love with the both of you already. I hear stories how women fall in love with people they never met and here I am, experiencing that story.
I would hold the sky up if it meant you would both be here already. Every movement you both make is hope that soon we will be together, skin to skin, in a room where your first cries are to me as you take your first breaths.
My beautiful darlings, my perfect babies. How I cannot wait to hold you both.
I want to write this to you both as a promise. A promise that, no matter what, you guys will always have someone in your life. Your father... He whispers to you both as I sleep, yet confesses that he won't have a prominent role in your lives for our safety. I promise you both that he loves you, he just has a duty to uphold.
You two are my duty though and I will uphold all my promises as a mother. I will carry the light so you both aren't scared of the dark, I will guide you when it's scary. I promise to hold you as you cry, to care for you when you need it.
I will be enough for you. That is my promise.
I love you loads, mama. "
- circa March 1994
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this is very short but it's a letter what do u guys expect
very sweet little opening before we get into the continuous angst xx
