The line

Under the pillow

“LOUIS” is the first thing I hear before realising where I am. I look around, Harry is pinned against the wall and I… I hold a knife to his throat. I open my eyes in shock and drop the knife taking a couple of steps away from him.

For a moment I forgot my ankle is half broken because a sharp pain hit me making me fall to the floor. I bring my ankle towards my hands and I close my eyes exhaling deeply. 

I open my eyes and Harry is in front of me on his knees going to touch me so I step back. “No, what are you doing? I-” I start but he tilts his head smiling softly.

“No, I just freaking tried to kill you. God, my ankle is killing me” I rant out and he touches my ankle softly leaning closer to press a kiss on my forehead. “It was just a bad dream, Lou”

But I know damn well that wasn't a dream. That wasn't just a dream. I wasn't asleep. I was awake. I was trying to kill Harry. 

I shake my head and run my hand through my hair. “A bad dream doesn't end up with me holding a knife to your throat, Harry, you realize that, right?” I say frustrated and Harry comes closer to me picking me up in bridal style.

He slowly places me on the bed and kisses me one more time before speaking softly “we will talk about it tomorrow, now close your eyes and sleep because you must be exhausted.” 

I look at the knife on the ground and he picks it up and takes it into the kitchen only to re-enter the room a few seconds later. “How did I get it?” I ask confused and he comes next to me pulling me to his chest, something he rarely does because I'm the big spoon, he only does this when he wants to comfort me.

He presses a long kiss on the left side of my head and hugs me tight “It's alright, please sleep.” He whispers and I decide to give in. His method of slowing me down is working too fast for me to fight against it so I close my eyes, holding both of my hands tied together like I'm afraid of what I'm capable of and I let myself fall in Harry's comfort place.

I can feel him slowly loosening up my uptight fingers and everything disappears after falling asleep in a deep sleep.

I only wake up when the sun hits my face through the big window next to our bed. I groan in my pillow and hide my face in it. I slide one of my hands under the pillow to get even more comfortable but my heart stops when I find a knife under it. 

I take it out and stare at it trying to remember what I was doing last night and why on earth would I have a knife under my pillow. I get up and slowly walk into the kitchen. I see Harry preparing breakfast while Ema is drawing something and I stop at the doorstep to watch them.

Am I going crazy?

What is happening to me?

Harry turns to me giving me the same bright smile I love and he comes to me to give a sweet kiss. I touch his neck gently and I can't shake off the thought that I was close to hurting it last night. 

When he pulls back he looks right in my eyes and frowns slightly probably seems the fear in them. “Baby, calm down, it was just a dream” he whispers and I show him the knife I was hiding under my pillow. 

“Just a dream?” I ask, completely disappointed in myself and he stares at it. I search his eyes and say with tears threatening to fall on my cheeks “Harry something is happening.”

He takes the knife from my hand and kisses my forehead. He smiles one more time and says “I've made breakfast. Come eat dada.”

And before I could refuse he picks me up and places me in front of Ema. She smiles at me and says a cute “moning dada”. I force a smile and whisper “Good morning baby” while rubbing the back of my head. 

I haven't said a word for the next hour because all I can think of is that I was trying to kill Harry and if he wouldn't have stopped me, I would've been waking up with him drowning in his own blood.

Harry made conversations with Ema, making this breakfast feel normal while I couldn't stop thinking about how he avoids it and why. I kiss Ema before she left with my mum to the park and I rub my face because after all the thinking, my head started hurting. 

Harry comes back and sits right in front of me. Here we go. The talk about me and my murderer habits. Harry takes my hands in his and looks right in my eyes “Baby… you have to stop overthinking it”

“How the hell should I stop? I woke up to me holding a freaking knife to his throat. That isn't normal.” I say and he shakes his head.

“Baby, you haven't slept in two weeks. You're sleep deprived, you're exhausted.” he says and I fight back “I've slept this morning.”

“Thirty minutes.” he says and caresses my hair “You only slept thirty minutes, baby.”

I look away from his eyes and whisper “I don't think I want to sleep anymore if this is what I do.” Harry cups my face making me look right in his eyes and says softly “Baby nothing happened. And nothing would've happened, I promise you”

“How did you get pinned against the wall then Harry?” I ask and he smiles softly shrugging “You are a good fighter after all. And I couldn't fight back.”

“How the hell am I a good fighter, I have one leg useful?” I ask and he shakes his head “Your leg wasn't hurting you then. I begged you to stop because you might hurt your leg, you were moving like before, love”

I freeze looking at him and he squeezes my thigh to get my attention “I've talked with your mum to take Em to them today…”

Of course. Your boyfriend is freaking going crazy, run as fast as you can.

“Because I want to make sure you get enough sleep.” He continues and I regret what I've said before. “Because I know you can't take me down, at least I hope, but I can't fight back with you and I want you to be alright.”

“And if I won't stop Harry, you will take me to a freaking psychiatric hospital and lock me somewhere.” I say looking right in his eyes and I can see he doesn't even want to think about it. I touch his chin gently and whisper “Promise me, Harry”

He shakes his head and whispers “No. That's not on my agenda.” I look in his eyes and frown slightly before saying once again “muffin, if I'm going crazy, you have to get rid of me.”

He shakes his head once again and says loud and clear “No. I will not lose you, end of story. I can't lose you”. His voice cracks on the last word and his eyes fill with tears.

“Muffin, baby, don't cry.” I say while cupping his cheeks and he closes his eyes so I say gently “Maybe I can't leave behind who they created. Maybe what they created is who I am, baby, I won't stay here knowing I can hurt you.”

He shakes his head one more time and gets up picking me up too. “No, you will sleep and everything will be good. You haven't slept in two weeks, you haven't even let Zayn see you in two weeks, you haven't relaxed in two weeks. You have to freaking relax.” 

He scolds me and I sigh, nodding my head. “Okay” I whisper while he places me on our bed and kisses my head gently.

“Would it help if we cuddle, love?” He asks gently and I nod. I honestly don't know if it'll help but I know I won't miss a chance to cuddle with him. He smiles softly and slides next to me under the blanket. 

He wraps his arms around my body and I close my eyes sinking in his arms. It didn't take me more than five minutes to fall asleep and I hope I won't wake up with a knife on my hand again. 

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Hellooo! What do you think is happening with Louis? Do you think these episodes will continue?