Fading Scars

Chapter 10 - Algarve for Christmas

The days flowed by, each one blending seamlessly into the next, and Michael's absence became a void that loomed over my everyday existence. I shifted my focus to preparing for our vacation back home in Algarve, a distraction from the persistent hope that he might be silently observing, a whisper of "I have eyes everywhere" lingering in my mind. With autumn giving way to winter, a slow erosion of hope began, a quiet surrender to the passage of time.

As the weeks stretched into a month, I found solace in the routines of daily life. Final exams demanded my attention, and Christmas approached with an air of anticipation. Alana and Manuel, the enchanting couple, became the embodiment of holiday joy. I cherished their companionship, yet the sailor's role, perpetually included but perpetually on the sidelines, wore thin.

My birthday was approaching on December 22nd, a day caught between the dual celebrations of birthday and Christmas. At home, the festivities were always combined, and the Christmas tree always had a solitary candle for my birthday. I packed a backpack, seeking refuge at my mother's house in Faro, a place where warmth prevailed, unlike the cold chill that had settled within me. I yearned for the embrace of family to mend my fractured heart, to surround myself with childhood friends and indulge in conversations that flitted between everything and nothing.

Plans were made with Alana for a stroll in Albufeira, visits to sun-kissed beaches, and the daring prospect of surfing lessons at the Faro Surf Club. The vacation promised moments well spent, but Michael's absence lingered like a phantom ache. He, so recent yet already a distant memory, eternally etched in my thoughts. It was an unfamiliar feeling, an uncharted territory where my own reflection seemed altered. Michael stood at the epicenter of my waking thoughts, a constant muse throughout the day.

Amidst various situations, my mind would wander to the hypothetical: Would he like this? What would he think of that? If only he weren't shrouded in mystery, perhaps I could entertain the idea of falling in love. But my conscience cut through the charade; the truth was undeniable-I was already in love. Yet, an insurmountable gap separated us, a chasm refusing to release its hold or allow me to move forward. Was I a captive, ensnared in the enigma of Michael Reed, or a prize worthy of pursuit? And then there was my little secret, poorly kept-virginity, a complication that he, a man of experience, might not be willing to navigate. The mere thought of the challenges it presented hung in the air, an unspoken obstacle threatening to unravel the delicate threads that bound us.

The three-hour bus journey unfolded without any notable events, and Alana and I engaged in conversation, the rhythmic hum of the bus providing a backdrop to our chatter. Alana's excitement for Manuel's arrival on December 21st bubbled over as she animatedly detailed their plans.

"Oh wait...is not your birthday on the 22nd?" Alana remembered.

"yep"

"Well, we'll figure something out together."

"Don't worry about me; I'm used to blowing out the candles during Christmas Eve dinner on the 24th."

Suggesting a trip to the cinema, she received a swift rejection. "The cinema is the worst place to hold a candle between you and Manuel. I don't want to be the candle on the table."

We both burst into laughter. "And it's not that?" I teased, completing my thought.

Alana reassured me, "We're not going to make you feel like a third wheel; we've moved past the honeymoon phase."

"Yeah, I know," I responded, rolling my eyes.

"But I'm telling you the truth."

Alana shook her head, dismissing my claim, but I could sense a glimmer of acknowledgment in her laughter. It was clear that Manuel's affection for her mirrored her own.