I Am NOT Going Loopy

Chapter 1 - Sasuke's No Good Very Bad Plan

"So, is your team still suffering because of that love triangle of theirs?" Iruka asked.

"A love triangle? What are you talking about?" Kakashi replied gleefully. "They're not in a love triangle."

"You know, how Sasuke and Naruto hate each other because they're fighting over Sakura?"

The grey haired man grinned even wider. "That's not why they hate each other, they're just...rivals."

"You don't know that for sure. What about that time when Sakura finally agreed to go on a date with Naruto but Sasuke told Naruto he wanted to train with him? Wasn't it so Sakura didn't go with Naruto?" Kakashi's smile fell, as he realized Iruka had a point and little genins might have some drama between themselves (which HE would gave to deal with) but he was quick to cover it up with an exaggerated yawn. "Who knows. Anyway, I'm too tired to argue. Let's talk later." 

Sasuke was pissed.

Like, really pissed.

Not only had he been forced to go on missions this stupid love triangle bullshit team (he didn't like anyone, of course, it was the two other idiots on his team), but it also seemed like every time one of them spoke their feelings, there'd be more drama going on around him, affecting their missions.

Why couldn't they just get over their stupid crushes and teenage drama, or at least not affect Sasuke with it? This was real life, not some love story! If only Naruto and Sakura could have gotten together already and stopped... distracting him with their stupid feelings. And now, all because of the two love-crazed loopy idiots, they barely got through their last mission!

Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. An awful one, mind you. Very stupid, and brash, and something only an idiot like Naruto would do on normal occasions... It was so awful that he needed something to distract himself from the fact that he and his teammates would probably never properly talk again once (and if) the plan ended up working. 

...But the thing was, he wasn't exactly IN normal conditions... 

If he could somehow force the pair to hate him and each other, then maybe everything would go back to those normal occasions where he wouldn't resort to something like this. Where team 7 could become the best team there is and he could be seen as a prodigy just like Itachi was! What a normal, joyous life that'd be!

...Other than the fact that Sakura would never bother him again with her constant fangirling. And Naruto wouldn't bother him by trying to fight all the time. And the two wouldn't bother each other. Maybe not exactly normal then, but... it sure was better than whatever the hell was happening right now.

He wasn't exactly sure yet on HOW to conduct his fine, exemplary, attractive, first class plan. But that wasn't the point. The point was, he WOULD conduct it, if it was the last thing he did! He would find a way, no matter how long it took! This would become his LIFE MISSION- yeah maybe not that. ...but he would at least give it a shot instead of instantly giving up... maybe...

...yeah. Okay. Yup. ...That was his cue to start planning the plan. So he planned and planned the plan. A lot of planning later, he planned the plan properly. He also planned to stop saying plan nearly as much after this...

And he needed a love potion asap.