Pest//phan au

Three

"So, what do you think?" Cat asked, her voice cheerful.

"About what?" I asked, placing the phone between my ear and shoulder to free both of my hands. I picked up my textbook and carried it off to my room. I still needed to study a bit.

"About Phil Lester!" She giggled.

"I still have the same opinion about the boy," I grumbled. Her want for me to like him was slowly wearing on me.

"I wish you would open up to more people," she said, her voice dropping slightly. "You need friends, Dan."

"I have you, so quit worrying about me," I argued, tossing my book down on the bed and sitting crosslegged over my covers. "Plus, friends are overrated. Too many Christmas presents to deal with," I joked.

"Dan, I'm serious," Cat whispered. I sighed lightly, closing my eyes. Maybe she was right, maybe I needed other friends.

No, I don't. I'm going off to college in less than a year. I don't need to make any new friends that I'll just have to cut ties with anyway.

"I'm good, thanks," I said after a lengthy pause between us. I could hear her groan in frustration at my persistence. I just really didn't need the added stress of a new friend right now.

"Fine, but I still need you to introduce us," her voice went back to the normal peppy tone it usually was.

"I'm working on it," I said, sarcasm laced in my voice. "Go be a stalker without me because I have to study still."

"Okay, first, I'm not stalking. I'm merely interested in the boy," she started defensively. "Second, we literally studied all afternoon. You know you'll get a good grade."

"No I don't. That's why I need to study," I argued.

"You need to have more faith in yourself. Goodbye, Dan," I heard her voice whisper through the speaker of the phone. She hung up, but I kept the phone up to my ear. Her words rang through my head multiple times.

"You need to have more faith in yourself."

She was right. I was always so unsure of myself when it came to everything I ever do in my life. Whether it be socializing or school work, I second guess myself. That's why I study so much, so I can avoid being unsure. And I avoid people because I cannot predict whether they will try to touch me or not. I'm so unsure of everything, and that frightens me.

Maybe Cat's right: I shouldn't be so quick to turn him away. He-Phil- is just trying to make friends in a new place. To be moving to such a small school in his last year must be tough.

I could just be a little friendlier to him, maybe invite him to sit with me and Cat at lunch, just to prove that I don't have to be able to predict everything. I need another friend.

I finally pulled the phone away from my ear, and opened my text messages to Cat. I planned to tell her that she was right, that I needed to open up to Phil a little bit more, but I hesitated. What if she pushed it more than I wanted it to go? What if she decided that my friendliness wasn't enough, and that I needed to fully accept him as a friend?

I closed my phone. I'll just tell her tomorrow that I want to be nicer, and warn her not to push it. I can't really warn her over text, can I?

---

I stood outside her house, bouncing from foot to foot, tugging my jacket close to my body. It was only October, but the morning chill was still enough to seep into my bones. My ears and nose were practically numb from the cold, and I saw my breath coming out in puffs.