Abandoned By Hope

Chapter 1

What do I have to do to know a semblance of peace, and I mean true peace, the kind you feel when you die? I wouldn't know due to being tortured every day by my thoughts as well as physically by my bullies. I wouldn't know about emotionally, as I feel nothing. Not only that, but I am numb and have been for 15 years. The people who are supposed to love me and protect me are my abusers, how I'm still alive is unknown to me.  The amount of damage I have physically sustained means I shouldn't be alive I should have been dead years ago, but something is keeping me from dying or someone they want to see me suffer as well. I would love to know what I could have done to deserve the torture I go through daily and will continue to go through. There is no hope to look forward to, it's a constant fucking cycle of agony, Anguish, and abandonment.

The thing is I don't have any memories of a time when I wasn't tortured or belittled so much so it is a normal occurrence to me and there was one day when I had a glimmer of hope where I could escape but no, that was short-lived as I got caught, my only ever glimmer of hope was snatched away by none other than the person who is supposed to love and protect you: my mother.

My mother is my abuser everyday she tortures me physically, and mentally she couldn't damage anymore emotionally because I no longer feel anything, there is no spark or light behind my purple eyes which I inherited from my father a rare condition called Alexandre’s genesis well that is what my mother told me I do not know who my father is as he has never been around due to being killed when I was a baby which she blames me for as where the abuse stems from. How can it be my fault when I was just a baby, couldn't even answer that as my mother's logic is massively flawed, she makes out as if I killed him? One of her top insults is I cannot bare to stand to look at the filth who killed her father, and how dare you have his eyes, you don't deserve them?

Again, flawed logic as I don't control genetics, but I took away the love of her life. She has tried a few times to remove my eyes due to the color of them, but now she makes me wear contact lenses so she doesn't have to look at them.  She hates me more than anything in the world and all because my father was murdered when I was a baby, so she makes sure everyday I know it is my fault.

I wish I could leave but somehow my mother knows my location at all times so even if I did manage to escape and get far away she would find me and drag me straight back coming up with a new punishment to make sure that I suffer even worse, everything I am saying is said in my head as I am mute my mother made sure I didn't speak, so her reputation remained intact and also to make sure I could not tell anyone what was going on behind closed doors.  You see my mother is the mayor and appearance means everything to her, she spends 3 hours everyday getting ready. I have to make sure I am up before her so that I could get ready and do all my morning chores as well as making sure everything was sorted for my mother because if it wasn't, I would be thrown in the attic for a week with nothing to eat or drink, that is the punishment I fear the most as there is no light in the attic, so I am all alone with my thoughts. I hate the dark, and she knows that so exploits it for her gain.

I quickly jumped into the shower making sure to keep it short and sweet not wanting to use all the hot water or to wake my mother. After I finished with the shower, I quickly dry my hair and then get on with my chores, first I start with cleaning the kitchen and washing up the plates from last night, then I have done the bins and everything else, making sure not to miss anything. Just as I finished putting my mother's breakfast on the table with her coffee, I hear her shout down ‘’Everything best be done, or you are going to suffer you filthy brat'' and with that, I ran out the door as I would rather not be beaten I barely survived the last one, and I am still healing, broken ribs, a black eye and other injuries.

I keep makeup in my bag, so I can cover everything before I get into school as I don't want anyone to know, I can’t talk, so its not like anyone is going to find out anyway. I always arrive at school an hour early as I don't live far, plus I would rather hide from everyone, so I can be left alone. Not only that, but I don't socialize with anyone as I don't talk, I do get bullied from a few people but apart from that I am mostly left alone for the most part. Furthermore, I went to my locker to offload my bag as it's heavy as shit, I took out my books for my first 2 lessons , which are Biology and French, I truly enjoy school probably the only thing in my life that I can enjoy without getting beaten for making mistakes or not being perfect however I am really hard on myself thanks to my mother-the fear is just too great and I don't know what to do. I shake myself out of my thoughts as the bell rang and students began entering the school. I made my way to the library to some studying before class starts, which I do everyday any way to get my day started.

Not only that, but I want a future, but I doubt that will be the case because I'm trapped. Likewise, I don't have anyone who I can rely on. I am truly alone and if I were to disappear no one would notice because that is how little I mean to anyone.

Author's note-Thank you for reading this chapter, if you have any suggestions I am more than happy to take them on board. Also, the main character doesn't have a name yet as she is so used to being called names so she believes she doesn't deserve one.