Lonely Moonlight (Ryden)

Chapter 2: The Fall-Out

Authors note: sorry not really good at writing angst lol but plz ignore any imperfections with this ALSO TW FOR DRUG USE

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"I wandered through the sunlight,

Remembering when you were mine"

Brendon and Ryan did love each other. They loved each other so much. But as Ryan let infatuation cloud his judgement instead of pragmatism, he and Brendon had the naive belief that they had a bond too strong to falter.

As the relentless touring persisted, the band found themselves in a whirlwind of stress and overwork. The cramped confines of the tour bus, the shows scattered across the map, the relentless photoshoots and autographs or fan meetings. Touring had always been demanding, but as of late it had begun getting worse. When Panic! Adopted a new manager, he opted for a lot more than they were ever used to. But, music was their shared dream. So night after night they did shows until exhaustion got the best of them and signed papers until they couldn't anymore. It was the price of fame.

But the 'price of fame' also had a more personal cost. The cost being that Ryan and Brendon couldn't spend as much personal time together. With the constant touring, the two were very frequently torn apart, except for quick moments in each other's presence. And as time went on conversation between the two grew scarce, both focused on everything to do.

When touring wasn't an issue, and the band was practicing: whether it be rehearsing old material or struggling to create new, there was constant fighting between the band members. Stress was the main thing that tore the group apart, although they blamed it on (partly true) creative differences. None of the arguments themselves were terrible, instead it was just a small chip at the band's foundation, a chip that instead of repairing, the four ignored in hopes that it would go away.

Ryan never made smart choices, he knew that, and with the fame came the party. At first, Ryan hated partying, it reminded him of the path his dad took. The drinking was too much for him, but as time passed, Ryan found himself to love partying. He loved the addicting buzz of the alcohol as it coursed through his veins, the tingling euphoria dissolving all of his worries and problems.

Ryan initially found solace in the alcohol, although not frequent, he liked the temporary reprieve from the pressure and stress of life. However, as time wore on and his cravings for escape intensified, he found himself drawn to the allure of party drugs. His first time sent a surge of exhilaration throughout his whole body, a rush that eclipsed anything he had ever felt before. He reveled in the way it dissolved his inhibitions, liberating him from the confines of his mind. With each subsequent dose, he found himself craving the dizzying highs and electrifying sensations, eagerly chasing the fleeting moments of bliss they offered.

Brendon however, hated what the party drugs did to Ryan. A part of it could have been jealousy, knowing that he had a boyfriend who was in the eye of everyone now, and detested how others swooned over him. But he also despised seeing him like that, totally out of his mind, and he and Ryan have had many small arguments about it, but Ryan always swore it wasn't a problem. And even though neither of them wanted to admit it, they could feel themselves drifting, not over the drugs alone, more so everything, and although they loved each other, Brendon and Ryan found themselves letting it happen. But Ryan, to this day, will never understand why they did so.