Saying that I am confident is an extreme exaggeration. I'm much below that. My whole life I have had about as much attention from girls as a white crayon with kids. You might say I am depressed or suicidal but I think that the world and definitely Jessica would be a lot better off with out me. In 2nd grade my parents divorced because my dad didn't want to deal with my condition, which isn't even that bad and I'm growing out of. It was dyslexia and to be honest I think I have come a long way. So I blame myself for that and then my gran died when I like 10 because of cancer, that son of a bitch of a thing. So yeh I have tried to leave before but somehow something stops me every time. I don't know if it is just realization or something deeper. I like to think it is Jessica but I know it couldn't be. And it probs never will be so, like I said, sometimes I would rather be dead.
Even listen to simple and shitty worded songs like "shut up and dance" make me think of how happy I could be with her and then I come back to reality and remember that a girl like her, could never like a guy like me. She perfect im not, she's talented im stupid and most of all, she probs has the perfect life with like that high school sweetheart of hers.
Honestly for a guy with my name, you probs thought he sounds like a horse or gay ass fag, but I used to think I was pretty good-looking and then I got bullied for being "ugly" and I could have sworn that I saw Jessica in the back of the crowd yelling at her shit head of a lover to stop, but probably not. It was probs just an illusion as the blood poured from my nose. For some reason things like that are the only things I remember. Those things and of course Jess's smile, her laugh, her voice, her presence even. Now she is just my best high school memory and nothing more. Unless you count being Facebook friends. Yes I accepted her on Facebook. But I don't think anything else will happen between us. Its not like she is gonna message me or anything... but what if i messaged her?!
Pfft. No and even if i did, she probs wouldn't reply anyways...
*buzz buzz*
My phone vibrates on the desk table beside my bed. i reach over to grab it and look down at the notification.
*one new message - Messenger*
I unlock my phone and before opening my Facebook Messenger app, i think of all the possibilities it most likely is, rather than hoping it was from "her". I thought to myself, "maybe it's Dixon or Ty, asking if i wanna hang out this weekend. or my aunt Laura asking me about whether me and mum were coming to visit her this Christmas." but somehow my mind would drift away from the fact that it could be from Jess. I slowly and hesitantly put my finger down on the screen and a white screen appears. \
After about 30 seconds, it loads and i couldn't bring myself to look. Eventually, building up the courage to tilt my head and glance down at my phone, which has been "patiently waiting" for me to check the message.
the top conversation says: "Jessica Buller sent you a message"....
HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! she actually texted me.... OMG, i think i just died. i sound like some frickin' crazy 13yr old girl, fangirling over their favourite band.. Oh well, the girl of my dreams just texted me.
I open the conversation and read the message.
"hi Kozac, i think we went to high school together. what school did u go to?"
Oh my god!!! how did she know that we went to the same high school, next thing i know i have replied with:
"hi... yeh i went to Upper Oakfield High. wbu?"
Am i fucking stupid or something? i must sound like a fucking poofta or something.. she probably thinks i'm gay as fuck!
I'm gonna sound really freakin' weird but somehow and i dont know why but i sorta felt this kind of connection between us when she sent that first text.. i know i sound so cliche but oh well. there is something there, i just am too blind to see it right now. at least i hope so..
What if.. oh my god, the possibilities of how the rest of this conversation could go are endless.
i have so many ideas and i just dont know which one to bel......
*buzz*
well this text is gonna be help me "cross out" some of the options.
"omg yeh we did go to the same school. well hi im Jessica but u can call me Jess... but only if we can be friends. Deal?"
oh wow. she just asked to be friends. holy cow!!!
"ok yeh its a deal. so... what do friends talk about??😂"
the time between this text and the next one she sent feels like forever but thats probs just my "heart" fucking around.
finally the next buzz goes off.
"umm, idk😹😹, what street did u live on in Oakfield?"
"it's called Peterson Rd, near the cinema.. what did u live on?" this conversation went on for a while but i dont wanna leave out any details ..
"are u fucking serious?? so did i!!! what house number?"
Holy shit... how did i not know this! i thought i would have known that she lived on the "cool" side of town.
"REALLY?! i am at #27... what was urs?"
"#31... that means we were like 2 houses down from each other!! how did i not know this?"
YOU ARE READING
Outta Luck
RomanceJessica has nothing going for her at the moment. She has lost her sister, her boyfriend, her baby and her parents trust. Basically, she thinks the world would be better off without her. But when she meets Kozac she starts to see that light. But was...
