Memories (Jella)

Chapter 3

Jema comes back at the end of her shift, just before Tots is supposed to pick her up for their dinner date. She's hesitant, because she's afraid of what Ella's remembered since she last saw her, and she's afraid that maybe she forgot it all.

FElla's sitting in a chair, looking out to the window when she hears the door opens. she turns, and refuses to display any kind of emotion when her eyes meet hers.

Jema walks to her bed and doesn't sit down, even though it's the only place left to sit. She's wringing her hands, and Ella sees worry in her. Strange, she thinks.

"I wanted to tell you – it's my last day, today. Alyssa will be taking over your case."

Ella just looks at her, and Jema's unnerved by the clarity she sees in her eyes. It's like she's reading her, like that book opened to page two hundred fifty-six on the table.

Ella stands and walks toward her, and Jema seems to shrink, and it hurts her, because Ella doesn't know why. So she stops, and frowns.

"What is it? You aren't afraid of me, are you?" Ella asks.

"What? No, oh no. It's – it's nothing. I'm sorry," Jema says, hastily.

"Alyssa told me it was your last day. There is no need for you to tell me as well. So. Why are you here?"

Jema looks down at her feet and shifts her weight. "I wanted to see if you've made any progress," she says, peeking up at her.

"And?" Ella says, because she knows her, and Jema's there for more than that.

"And," Jema says, now hurriedly. "If my deepest fear is realized tomorrow morning, and you don't remember today, then I need to tell you, tell you, about me. The person who's been in this room for the last two years has not been you. And I think that today, you really are you. So, while you're you, I need to talk to you."

Ella nods and crosses her arms.

"I was working the day they brought you in. You remember I was still an Intern then?"Ella shook her head. "Oh. Well, I was. And I was working that day. You were in a coma for two months, and when you woke up, you can't even imagine how happy I was. But you didn't remember me. You didn't remember much of anything. And that was so hard. I dedicated all of my time trying to find out what had happened to you, what was wrong with you. I – "

Ella holds up her hand to stop her, then speaks. "You spent all of your time here, morning till evening. You slept here, sometimes. You researched my condition, you tried to find those people who had done this to me. You wasted away, and finally, after about three months, you had a breakdown. Your friends told you to take a break; actually, they probably told you to let other Doctors take my case. You conceded to the break, but returned just as determined.

"Only this time, you were more discreet, and a little more wise. It took nearly nine months for your second breakdown. It was because you weren't eating, weren't sleeping. You were solely focused on fixing me, and it nearly killed you a few times. Your friends convinced you to take a longer break, and you realized they were right, and you couldn't keep working at such pace. So you agreed. And then, when you returned, you fixed yourself, and forced to keep normal hours, and to eat, and to sleep. Slowly, you fell into that routine, and slowly, you felt yourself moving on. I was just another patient."

"No," Jema interrupts. "You were never just another patient." Jema's hurting so much, because Ella was completely right about everything else she said. Ella knows her so well, inside and out. And seeing her, really her, is wonderful and horrible all at once. Because she might be gone tomorrow.

"lablab," she says, looking deep into her eyes, coming to stand mere inches from her. "I want you to always know that I loved you." Ella can't bring herself to say she still does; of course, she still does. Besides, Jema should know that. "More than anything. Never be in doubt of that."

Jema has tears in her eyes again, and she lets them fall. It looks like she's been crying a lot today, actually. Ella then reaches up out of habit and brushes them away. Jema looks down. "I loved you too, Ella. Just as much."

Ella wants to kiss her. More than anything she's wanted in a long time. More than food, more than water, more than breathing. But she can't; Jema has moved on. One kiss won't change what happened over the last two years.

Then, in one of those instances Ella's become accustomed to, Jema got her arms wrapped around her neck and her face buried in her shoulders, crying. Ella feels torn. Ella wants to comfort her, to take away her pain, but she's in pain too. Ella needs comforting too. Hesitantly, she puts her arms around her and holds her. Her head knows that she doesn't remember the past time, but her body knows it hasn't held her in nearly two years, and that instinct takes over. Ella pulls her close – very close – and one hand is in her hair, and she's drinking in the feeling of her, the smell – still milk and honey – the small weight of her, wrapped around her.

Then the doors opens.

"Jema, are you – hey! What's going on?"

Ella feels Jema being ripped away from her, and turns a scowling glare onto the culprit. Tots. Jema doesn't look at her, just cries into her own hands. Tots hugs her and glares back at Ella.

"What are you doing, de Jesus?"

Ella doesn't respond, she doesn't acknowledge the short haired woman. She's only looking at Jema, who finally looks up at her through her watery eyes behind Tots.

Ella quirks an eyebrow, and she knows Jema knows what she said, "Her?" silently, and a fresh stream of tears fall and Jema looks away, toward the wall.

"Get out of my room, Carlos," Ella spits, and turns to walk back to the window.

Ella doesn't see Tots's eyes widen, doesn't see her look between herself and Jema, doesn't see her eyes narrow at the back of her head. Ella feels that, though, and ignores it. Suddenly the cars and people walking by on the ground below are the most interesting thing Ella's ever seen.

She hears them leave, and the room is full of silence. Her heart can't take much more of this, she thinks.

Tots. She's with Tots. It's almost like betrayal, even though a part of her can understand why Jema would move on. But with her? That was the thing. She knows Tots isn't nearly good enough for her, never has been, never will be. Ella always knew it, and thought Jema knew it too.

She goes and pulls the ring out of her coat and moves to sit on her bed, then stares at it, watching the light reflected in the gem – all different colors of light –

And there is a flash. A tidal wave, images crashed through her mind. Images of pain of screaming, of torture, and cruel laughs and -

She pulls herself onto the bed and three hours later, Alyssa finds her in a fetal position, eyes staring straight ahead, unblinking, unseeing, glassy. Ella's left hand is almost white from the strain of clenching around an object for hours. She tries to shake Ella to wake her, but nothing seems to get through to her.

Alyssa is pacing the room, moments after finding her, trying to decide what to do. What to do! she doesn't even know what had happened, much less where to start. Alyssa goes to Ella again, and tries to pry the thing from her hand. It's no use; it is almost as if Ella were dead, and rigor has set in. But she's breathing, Alyssa can see that, shallow though it is.

Just then, the door opens, and Alyssa looks up. Tots and Jema came in, Jema with wet, tear-stained cheeks (fresh tears, Alyssa determines), and Tots with an angry scowl on her face. With one glance, Jema notices that Ella isn't okay, and rushes to her bed.

"Alyssa, what happened?" she asks.

"I don't know. I just came to check on her, and found her like this. I have no idea how long she's been like this."

"Her eyes," Jema says with voice cracking.

"Jema, go home. There's nothing you can do. I don't think there's anything that can be done for her. We just have to wait and see."

"Yeah, Jema," says Tots, with a fresh scowl. "You know she'll just be back to normal tomorrow. There is no point in staying. Alyssa will take care of her from now on."

Alyssa scowls at Tots, but no one notices.

"Besides do you really want to spend the rest of your life, waiting for her? Waiting for her to wake up and maybe remember you for a day? I'm here, Jema. I have always been here. Waiting for you. You've got to decide. Me, or her. Me; someone who loves you, who will always love and treat you better than she ever did. Someone who you can laugh with, and make memories with. Or her,"Tots says, malice in her voice. "Who can only ever hurt you, Jema. Which is it?" she demands, arms crossed with fierce look in her eyes.

Jema's crying again, and she looks at Alyssa, who tries to tell her that it's up to her, that she needs to decide what she's going to do about Ella, and that Tots maybe isn't the best one to help walk her through the process. Only she can't see all that in a single look, so she turns to Tots, then looks at Ella, with eyes still glassy and unfocused, and back to Tots again. She storms out of the room, and Tots runs after her, leaving Alyssa alone with Ella.

To be continued...