The Sun and The Moon (SatoGou)

Chapter 18

It's raining again when we leave school. It feels like a bad omen that it's been raining non stop for the last two days. The rain clouds are so thick and grey that it almost seems like night. As I walk home in it, hands stuck in my pockets, I think about Ash. Will the others still be my friend if he breaks up with me? It'll take the award for my shortest relationship, that's for sure. We didn't even make it a whole week.

The thought makes a physical pain shoot through my chest, like it's collapsing in on itself. I know I should just apologise to him, but maybe he's better off without me. I told myself I was going to be there for him like Gary wasn't, and then I didn't even try to understand. He should probably save his faith, because I'll only let him down again.

My hair is dripping, the rainwater sliding down my shirt by the time I turn onto my street. I pause when I see Ash's car sitting on my driveway, the lights on, wipers battling the rain. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, bracing for the worst. Already I know the pain is going to be unbearable. Much worse than what I felt after Tokio, for sure.

Ash gets out as I approach. Before I can say a thing, he's circled around the back of his car and throws his arms around me, crushing me against his chest. All of the air rushes from my lungs, and I hang limp in his arms for a second.

"I'm sorry," he says against me.

Only then do I remember to hug him back. We're getting soaked, but he doesn't seem to care. I'm choking up again. I always feel too much when Ash is around. "I'm sorry too," I say back.

"I shouldn't have said what I said," Ash says, pulling away and holding me at arm's length. "You're nothing like Gary at all. I... I realised I was caring too much about what other people think of me. I've never cared about being popular. There's only one person's opinion that matters, and that's yours. As long as I have you, it doesn't matter."

I wipe at the tears that have fallen free, but they've just mixed with the rain anyway. "I thought you were going to leave me."

"Leave you? Why would I leave you?"

I shrug. "Because you're too good for me."

Ash leans in and kisses me, his nose bumping against mine, stealing my breath. He tastes like the rainwater running down both of our faces. Every time we kiss, I swear it feels better than the last. When he moves away, his face is intense. "It's me that doesn't deserve you," he says, "but I'll try my best to."

"Nobody else has ever made me feel like this," I admit, feeling the blush creep onto my face. "So you better not leave."

He reaches out and tucks my wet hair behind my ear. "I won't. I promise."

I really can't afford to fuck this up, because I won't survive the fallout if I do. Suddenly, I notice what Ash is wearing. "Is that my hoodie?"

"Hm?" He looks down at himself. "Oh. Yeah. I forgot I was wearing it."

Has he been wearing it all day? I smile, shaking my head. "Come on," I say, taking his hand and leading him towards my door. Inside, I realise we're both shaking from the cold. I grab a towel and make him lean forward so I can dry his hair for him. He could do it himself, but I want to do everything for him, honestly. My heart lifts up every time we make eye contact, and the butterflies in my stomach are making me feel a little sick.

When we're done and sitting with mugs of coffee on the sofa, Ash goes quiet again. He still seems sad, but not as bad as yesterday. Still, I want him back to his cheery, energetic self. "I don't mind telling people that it's not true."

Ash turns to me, confused. "What?"

"The rumours. I can tell people they're not true."

"No," he says, reaching for my hand. "I don't want to hide. I'm not ashamed of this, and I'm not ashamed of you. I guess I just didn't expect people to care so much."