(A 911 Buddie Fic) You Were Made From Scars

Chapter 2

Author notes: This is another emotional chapter, so please only read if you are in a good mental place to do so. Your mental health is important to me.

Chapter 2

Eddie found himself sitting at the table in the loft of the firehouse the day after the funeral. He hadn't been back there since the freeway. In fact, the last time he had walked into the station, Buck had been alive. Even the day of the accident, he had gone straight home from the hospital, unable to face the reality of the situation. But he could only hide away for so long. He knew he had to take that first step forward eventually, if not for himself, then for Christopher.

For some reason, he had convinced himself it would be easier being there than being sat around at home. But everywhere he looked, he could see fragments of Buck. If he closed his eyes and listened intently, he could almost convince himself that he could hear Buck's laughter echoing out from somewhere else in the firehouse, smell Buck's aftershave that Eddie had given him for Valentine's, feel Buck's breath on the back of his neck. But none of it was real.

"Eddie? What are you doing here?"

Eddie opened his eyes and turned to look at Bobby. He was the first out of everyone to arrive for the shift, which Eddie was thankful for. Everyone else would follow Cap's lead. If he didn't question Eddie's presence in front of them, they wouldn't push it either. Well, most of them. Hen and Chimney were the exception.

"I'm here to work," Eddie answered, sitting up straighter and pushing down at the creases in his uniform.

"Eddie..."

"I need this, Bobby." Already, Eddie could feel the tears swelling up in his eyes and he chewed at his cheek in an attempt to stop them from falling. His gaze dropped a moment before focusing on Bobby once more, pleading.

Bobby took a breath before sitting down next to Eddie, his tone soft and gentle as he spoke. "No one will blame you for needing more time. You don't have to rush back."

"I can't stay there any longer, Bobby. I keep expecting to see him walk through the door and I know... I know he's not coming home." Eddie hung his head, attempting to swallow the painful lump in his throat. "It hurts so much."

"And you want to keep yourself busy..."

Of course, Bobby understood. Out of all of them, Eddie knew he would. Bobby had been there for Eddie when Shannon had died, and Bobby was here for him now, even though Eddie knew he wasn't the only one who had lost Buck. They all had. Except, Eddie felt he had lost a piece of himself too. A piece he would never get back.

"And Christopher?" Bobby questioned.

"Carla's looking after him today and he's going back to school this week."

They had discussed it the night before and Eddie had been both impressed and terrified by the strength Christopher had shown.

"We'll be okay, Dad," he had said as Eddie hugged him tight.

And though Eddie couldn't imagine ever feeling okay again, he knew he had to try. For Christopher, and for Buck.

"Alright," Bobby said, placing his hand on Eddie's arm and offering up a nod of acceptance. "But I'll be watching you and I want you to keep up regular sessions with Frank."

"Deal." Eddie bit at his lip, and bobbed his head, the tears filling up his eyes once more.

"Right, then," Bobby continued, and he clapped Eddie on the back gently as he pushed up to make his way toward the kitchen. He paused after his first step and looked back to Eddie. "So, what? You're back five minutes and you plan on just sitting around? Breakfast won't cook itself, Diaz. You helping, or not?"