Wars in Goiky (BFDI history)

The First Great Goiky War

On June 28 1964, Archduke Fragile Glass of South Goiky and his wife Sofa, Duchess of Hyorke, were shot by Garage Door, a North Goikian. This sparks war between the two countries and The Pillary Ruins. Yoyleland remains neutral.

The first battle took place on the Goiky Canal. The battle resulted in 2,763 casualties and a North Goiky victory. However, days later, South Goiky besieges Longwy which results in mass invasion of North Goiky and the capture of Davidland. Several more battles take place in North Goiky and South Goiky gains control of the southern coast and Dream Island.

Around this time, a flying ace by the name of The Red Biplane became the most well-known flyer of the war. He shot down a total of 255 planes total just in one year.

In the second year of the war, North Goiky decides to commit to trench warfare. These diary entries by Golf Ball highlight what life was like in the trenches as a scientist and North Goikian.

March 3

Today, General Birdwood told Tennis Ball and I to start making a new type of gun. He said he expects it to be done tomorrow. I don't know if he knows how they're made...

Also, Pillow took in several bodies to do research on. Apparently she's trying to make a potion that results in total organ failure. When I asked her why, she said, "for fun". Should I be concerned?

March 14

We finally finished constructing the machine gun. We named it the Wylfpoi MG145 because we recently got news of victory there.

Unfortunately, Pillow has also finished her potion for total organ failure. To be completely honest, it scares me. Birdwood had me ride Tennis Ball onto the battlefield and throw the potion with my legs at the enemy. I despise the Southern Goikians, but the potion was so successful it worked almost immediately. The sight of their bodies collapsing and the insides of the objects- no. It was sickening. I have not told anyone, they'd all call me soft and make fun of me, especially Tennis Ball.

March 29

According to Birdwood, we have progressed 5 feet. We have to dig another trench. We have suffered ~16,000 casualties to gain the height of Basketball? This is pointless.

April 5

No progress. Food shortage. No.1 Pencil died in artillery shelling.

April 12

I have contracted pneumonia and now my voice is extremely raspy. Rugby Ball committed suicide.

One can see that the conditions were horrible. However, they were not much better for the South Goikians. These diary entries are by artillery bomber Nickel.

March 5

We recently got new artillery, which is always exciting... of course it's not, it's boring as hell. The only exciting thing is Baseball's tattoo of dirt he got today cuz it's the only thing we see all day.

March 16

As far as I can tell from my little hidey-hole, the other side has some sort of weapon that instantly kills groups of our soldiers. When I first saw this used, I exclaimed oh my jeez jangle jonkular jangis which made Baseball miss a shot. oops

Also we have like no food the only thing I ate this morning was half a bean and a see-through  piece of bread. So obviously I'm very hungry and my tummy is audibly grumpy.

March 28

The North Goikians are winning this battle, we had to retreat 12 feet. Very sad.

April 5

Today was good because I artillery sniped some kid after fullboxing him. Jk i just shot some guy with an artillery shell and got a pigeon telling me to kill myself. ya i dont think i will

While South Goiky was already fighting North Goiky and The Pillary Ruins, they had a new problem to deal with. They had addressed a letter to The World's Largest Oven, an area in North Goiky that supported South Goiky. The letter said to sabotage Yoyleland in any way possible. However, Yoyleland intercepted it and declared war on South Goiky.

Yoyleland retook Davidland and with the help of The Pillary Ruins, ultimately kicked South Goiky out of North Goiky. Meanwhile, both sides suffered from the Spynysh Flu. An interview with Pin, a North Goiky army general as well as cook, reveals what the Spynysh Flu was like in the trenches.

Interviewer: So what did the Spynysh Flu look like in the trenches?

Pin: Oh, it was awful. You had all these soldiers coughing up a lung and many dying if they had it. They would be normal one day, have a high fever next, then die the next day.

I: Do you know anyone who had it?

P: Yeah, my best friend Coiny got it. It was pretty bad, his temperature was around 108 degrees fahrenheit for a couple of days. Luckily, I urged the nurses to do something about it, so he didn't die.

In June 1968, South Goiky obtained parts of the North Goiky coast. Also, the famous flying ace The Red Biplane was shot down over Dream Island. South Goiky invents submarines, which are a great success. South Goiky also tries to make peace with Yoyleland, but fails.

In November, South Goiky eventually surrendered after several crushing defeats. They gave up Dream Island and all the land they captured.

Between the First and Second Goiky Wars, South Goiky had insane amounts of inflation. A popular chairman, Hatly rose to power as a dictator. He forcibly took control of the Yoyle Ocean and Goiky Canal, as well as Dream Island. He also allied with Jaipy (an island in the West Goiky Ocean) and The Northern Desert.